GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!
by Kouji Tamino
Summary: Vash becomes a teacher deals with Mary Sues the usual... VxM, WxMi, KxOC. The final chapter is up! Farewell, for now!
1. I am Great Teacher Ericks!

Disclaimer: I do not own "Trigun"! Own not, that I do… Er… Nevermind…

A/N: Hiya! Kouji, co-author of "CrossFire", here! It's XBlade's turn, but he's lazy… So I have to wait for him to finish the next chapter… But I love writing, so I'm writing my own story. I have never seen "Great Teacher Onizuka", so this is NOT a parody. But once I get the money, I might check it out. This is a one shot, but I might continue… Should I?…

~~~

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GTE: Great Teacher Ericks

__

Pilot Chapter: **I am GTE!**

The planet Gun Smoke. It has been a year since the quiet but violent battle between the two humanoid Plant brother's… The dry, desert like planet had peace since then. The one known as Vash the Stampede disappeared, never to be seen again. It is a cool night…

Anyway, there is a town named Augusta. Half a year ago, 3 schools were built. An Elementary school, a Middle/Intermediate school, and a High school. The High school had no current English teacher. The others were scared off. Rumor has it that the whole operation was being lead by a delinquent named Kite… He had enrolled 2 months ago, and had been nothing but trouble. Unfortunately for the school board, none of the things he was doing were really hurting anyone, so he only got the occasional detention. 

Anyway, that's not important right now… What is important, is that there is a violent argument happening in the home of four... Interesting people… One is a woman with short black hair, gray eyes, and is wearing white clothing. A noticeable accessory is her cape… She is currently yelling at someone. Another is a taller woman with brown hair, blue-greenish eyes, and is wearing an outfit of green and yellow. She is looking worriedly at the argument. Another is a man with very light, short blonde hair, light blue eyes, wearing a red and white outfit. He is currently tied to a chair, screaming about 'killing all human scum!'. The final resident of the house is a man with darker, long blonde hair. He is wearing a plain outfit of a white shirt and brown overalls. He is wearing glasses. Right now, he is getting chewed out by the woman with black hair. 

"Vash!" The black haired woman yells, her teeth bared.

"Shh!! Meryl!", the long haired man known as Vash warns, "Don't use my real name, remember? It's Ericks!"

"Sorry… But Va-- Ericks… Please… Me and Milly can't support you and your brother anymore… I'm afraid that you'll either have to leave the house, or…"

"No, Meryl!! Don't say it!!!"

"… Get a job…"

"NNNOOOO!!! I don't wanna!!"

"I'm sorry…", Meryl says sadly, giving him a piece of paper. "This is the address for the Unemployment building…"

"But… why?…"

"I don't wanna do this to you… But I **_really_** don't want to kick you out…"

Milly pouts. "Please, Mr. Vash?"

"… Alright…"

Knives snorts. "Bah… Pathetic…"

Meryl glares evilly at Knives. "Shut up, you!"

~~~

Vash arrived at the building… He whimpered slightly. "I don't wanna do this…" He walked into the building. He sighed, and waited in line. A few hours passed, and it was finally his turn. There was an computer error and Vash got a shot as… an English teacher. He sighed, and went home to prepare for his job interview in a week.

~~~

Meryl smiled. "A teacher? That's great! You're good with kids!"

"Yeah… But I really don't want a job…"

Meryl smirked. "Vash… Let's make a deal…"

"… What?" Vash whimpered.

"If you can keep this job for a month… I'll buy you several boxes of donuts as a reward… And if you can't…"

"Er… What?"

"It's the COUCH for a month…"

"… You are EVIL…"

~~~

A week later, Vash was sitting in the Principal's office. He was wearing a green suit, and it was very uncomfortable. A man named Mr. Num walked in. He wore a black suit; and was tall, with broad shoulders. He had black hair, and was going bald. This was the Principal. He sat down. "Now, Mr… Ericks Stryfe… Are you good with English?"

Vash thought. "Well…"

"Good, you have the job!" Num said, dragging Vash out of his office, up the stairs, and into the class. Vash looked at the class nervously as he was abandoned by the Principal. _Teenagers! Eeeee…_ He looked around at all the students. He winced at the smell of chalk dust, a smell he was not used to. He looked at all the students. He saw a familiar looking boy. _Hey, isn't that Kite?! What's he doing here?!_

The boy named Kite, who Vash had met 3 years ago in a Sandsteamer incident involving the Badlads leader Brilliant Dynamites Neon, also known as "B.D.N." Kite, however, could not recognize Vash in his new "duds". _He sure looks familiar, though…_he thought. _Oh well… Fresh meat… He smiled at Vash evilly. _

Vash raised an eyebrow at Kite, then got a stern look on his face. _Okay Vash, don't lose your cool… You've already beaten your genocidal twin brother, so you can handle anything!_ Vash then got a confident smirk on his face. "Alright, class! How are you today?!"

The class gave him an odd look, then replied with 'fine' and 'okay', etc. A few snickered. Kite raised an eyebrow. _What the hell is up with this guy?!_

Vash then turned to the board and wrote 'Ericks Stryfe' on the board. "My name is Ericks Stryfe, but you can call me…" He then wrote in big, sloppy letters: **GTE**… "… Great Teacher Ericks!!!"

"Um… Hi…", a few students said. 

"I am here to teach you English, while continuing my search for that elusive Mayfly known as love…" Vash said in a suave voice, while getting a sparkle in his eye. A few of the female students blushed, realizing how handsome the teacher was. A few boys rolled their eyes.

Kite's eyes widened. _Wait, this guy sounds familiar…But no, it can't be… It couldn't…He wouldn't!!!_

"Now, class… Repeat after me! This land is made of--!!"

The class joined in reluctantly. "This land is made of…"

"Louder!! This land is made of--!!!"

"This land is made of--!!!"

"LOVE AND PEACE!!!!!" Vash said, putting his fingers in the 'Peace' sign.

The class got into it more and put their hands in the symbol. "LOVE AND PEACE!!!!!"

Kite yelled. "NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! What the hell are you doing here, V--" Kite was quickly silenced by a chalk eraser to the face.

"No interrupting, young man! Now what is this world made of?!" Vash screamed.

Kite whimpered slightly. "Love… and…… Peace…"

Suddenly, the Principal stormed into the room. "What's going on here?!"

Kite quickly pointed at Vash. "He's gotta gun!"

"What?!"

"Huh? No I--" Vash began.

"Security!" Num yelled. "Arrest this man!"

"Oops! Looks like I gotta go! Seeya later, guys!" Vash said, jumping out the open window. The other students screamed in joy. "Go, Great Teacher Ericks!" Vash landed on the ground roughly, hearing a loud 'CRACK!' in his leg, as sharp pain went through his leg. He continued to run, wincing and limping.

Meanwhile, back in the class room, Mr. Num was questioning Kite. "Now what about this…gun?" 

Kite shrugged. "I dunno, I was just kidding…" He laughed as Mr. Num gritted his teeth. 

"Lost another one…", the Principal growled.

~~~

"Vash! What happened to your leg?!" Merly cried out as Vash limped back in the house. He gave a goofy grin and said "Broke it… Jumping out the window…"

Needless to say, Vash would be spending many lonely nights on the couch this month…

The End?

~~~

So, should I continue? Give me feedback! Signing off, this is Kouji…


	2. Return of Great Teacher Ericks!

Disclaimer: Blah.

A/N: And here is the 2nd chapter! I've decided to continue! This shall be a nice little fic, 10-13 chapters. I shall release a chapter daily… I think… Well, I'll try to release it as often as I can. Anyway, thank you and enjoy this chapter!

Warning: Spoilers for the entire series.

~Kouji

~~~

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GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Chapter 2: Return of GTE!

~~~

Another day arrived on the Planet Gun Smoke. The sun rose, the children prepared for school… And Vash the Stampede was currently looking for a job. Meryl and Millie were out at work. In order to stay with Vash, they quit they're jobs and became waitresses. A somewhat degrading job, yes. But for now, it was all they could do. 

Vash had looked through the newspaper, decked in purple pajamas with pictures of donuts on them and wearing bunny slippers, but none of the jobs interested him. He sighed. He had enjoyed his job as a teacher. He was having so much fun with the kids. But Kite had to ruin it… 

He didn't understand. He thought that he and Kite had bonded that one day long ago. Why did he seem to want to get rid of him? Oh well, not his problem anymore… He sighed again, then looked through the newspaper, eating cereal. Knives snickered at his brother. Vash glared at Knives. "What are you laughing at?" Vash said, glaring.

"What I'm laughing at", Knives started with a smirk, "is how you allow the spider woman to control you…"

"… Spider woman?…" Vash frowned.

"… My 'Butterflies and Spiders' speech?…" Knives stared at Vash.

Vash thought hard for a moment. "… Oh, yeah! Well, I'm not like you, Knives… Meryl is my friend!"

Knives coughed. "…More than friends… I still can't believe you did **that** with her…"

Vash blushed, then regained his composure. "Shut up and eat your oatmeal…"

"Fine then…" Knives said, as he dumped his face into the oatmeal.

~~~

Well, that was… Interesting… Let's check out the school, shall we?

~~~

At Augusta High School, Freshmen students were protesting outside the building. The refused to go inside the building unless they got "Great Teacher Ericks" to return. Meanwhile, inside, Mr. Num was pounding his head into the desk. He was slowly putting the imprint of his head into the piece of furniture. The Vice Principal, Nimoy Dastun Brooksworth, walked into the office. He was a tall, giant man with short blonde hair and a handlebar moustache. He was wearing a white suit, white shoes, and spoke with a gruff voice. "Mr. Num?"

The Principal looked up. "… Yes? What is it?!"

Brooksworth raised an eyebrow. "Sorry to bother you sir, but shouldn't we start class soon?"

Mr. Num glared. "How do we suppose we do that?!"

Mr. Brooksworth grinned. "Simple. We get this 'Great Teacher Ericks…' And I know how to get him…" He then walked out of the office. He walked up a few stairs and opened the door to a room. "Let's see", he mumbled to himself. He looked around the room. It was filled with… teachers. It was the Teacher's Lounge. He pointed to a giant man, even bigger than Brooksworth. He had dark brown hair, thick glasses, a brown suit, and black shoes. "Mr. Sen, we need you…"

~~~

Vash heard the doorbell ring. He answered it. It was a big man. "Er…" Vash smiled, "Hello?" The big man picked up Vash. "Ack!" Vash screamed. "What are you doing?!"

The man spoke in a refined voice. "Sorry, just doing my job… We need Great Teacher Ericks."

"Oh! Is that all? Okay then, just let me get dressed!" Vash jumped out of the man's grasp, yanked off his pajamas, took a short shower, and got dressed. While waiting for Vash, Mr. Sen played jump rope with 2 little girls. Vash, after 45 minutes or so, walked out the door, wearing a three piece suit. It was a suit consisting of red pants, a red jacket, and a black vest. He was wearing jet black suede shoes, and a pair of black gloves. His long blonde hair had been cut into it's old style, but since he had cut it himself, it was a bit shorter than usual. To complete his outfit, he was wearing a pair of dark shades. 

Mr. Sen raised an eyebrow. "… Do you think you're wearing enough clothes?…"

Vash grinned cheesily. "I am… Great Teacher Ericks!!!!"

Mr. Sen rolled his eyes as they both walked over to a pink Jeep. Vash gave Mr. Sen a disturbed look. Mr. Sen shrugged. "It's my daughter's… Mine is in the shop." He hopped into the vehicle. "Now if you wouldn't mind, please get in… We're about an hour off schedule…" Vash nodded and hopped in. They then drove off at top speed. Vash hung on for dear life as the little Jeep went at speeds Vash never thought were possible.

~~~

As the two reached the school, Vash shivered violently as he got out of the pink vehicle… He unintentionally spoke out loud. "Oh my god, that was scary!! I'd rather face Knives and the Gung-Ho-Guns all over again!" 

Mr. Sen gave Vash an odd look. "Who?…"

Vash realized his slip up. "Oh, nothing! Just some game…"

Mr. Sen gave him a questioning look as students cheered.

"Hooray!"

"It's Great Teacher Ericks!"

"Ooohhhh… He's even hotter than yesterday!"

Vash gave a cheap, cheezy smile as the girls melted. "I have returned! I am Great Teacher Ericks!!!" The students cheered and followed Kite to the class. Kite began muttering. The class all sat down excitedly as Vash spoke to them. Kite thought. _It's not that I don't want him here, it's more like… He's embarrassing…But I'll give him a chance…_

"Well class, thanks to certain… Problems, I couldn't teach you much yesterday. But today, I can teach you all sorts of things! Hoowa!" Vash said, raising his fist in the air.

"Hoowa!" The class, except Kite, repeated. His face was then reintroduced to "Mr. Chalk Eraser". Vash glared at Kite playfully. 

"Now young man, what did I say?!"

Kite sighed. "Hoowa…" he muttered, slowly raising his fist.

"Now to take role!" Vash then did just that.

Vash coughed. "Now class, today I shall tell you all a story… It's about a butterfly…"

"Eh?" Kite said. He was met with another chalk eraser. His friend, Sayuri, giggled at her best friend. His face was now white as a Mime's.

"Silence! There will be a test on this! Now, there once was a butterfly… His name was Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III." The class was silent. Vash smirked. Anyway, others just called him Val." The class sighed in relief. He continued his story:

~…~

Val did not like to kill, and had a brother butterfly, named Spoons, who had been abused by a bad spider. Because of this, he thought all spiders were bad. He killed all the spiders in the area, but a nice, gentle spider named… Mer, had saved the other spiders. She, however, also died…

The butterfly brothers landed on a new planet, where their other butterfly brethren were used as energy for the spiders. Spoons was angered even more, and disappeared for a year. When he returned, he had 2... Super Cocoons! A sliver one, and a black one. He was going to use them destroy the spiders! Val wouldn't stand for this, so he shot is brother, took both cocoons, and abandoned him. Val still regrets that day… 

Val wondered for a few years, when he was helped by some spiders. They gave him a new coating, and he lived there for around 80 years. 

~…~

Kite rudely interrupted. "Did he die?" He was then dodged the incoming chalk eraser. He retaliated by tossing his English book at Vash.

Vash glared. "No!" he yelled, before getting beaned with a text book. He gave a mean look to Kite, then went on. 

~…~

After a while, he discovered a relative of Mer, and went to see him. But when he got there, Spoons was waiting for him. He had killed the last living relative of Mer… Spoons then proceeded to shoot off Val's left wing, thus relieving Val of the black Super Cocoon. He snapped, his, er, legs, and activated Val's other Super Cocoon. It became a huge weapon, and threatened to blow up the city. Sadly, it did. Val was now wanted.

After a while, he returned to the place he had been staying. He got a new mechanic wing with a built in gun, and he went off searching for Spoons. 

23 years past, and Val had many adventures, and met with 2 cute insurance girl spiders, um…Marron and Milli Vanilli! They followed him around, and they met a traveling priest spider. His name was Foxwood. They all had fun adventures, but that all ended when Spoons sent his henchmen, the Webby-Ha-Webs. They made Val's life a living Hell, and they were eventually all killed, either by getting killed, killing each other, or themselves… Unfortunately, their deeds caused many casualties, including the death of Foxwood…

Val was depressed. He faced off against the leader of the Webby-Ha-Webbys, Hot Dog, and ended up killing him with his own hands… He moped for days, before he was cheered up by the girls spiders. He felt, however, that he was falling in love with Marron… 

He had a final showdown with Spoons. Using the weapon of the late Foxwood, he was able to defeat his brother. He did not kill him, however, but wrapped him up in bandages, and carried him off, starting a new life. Val was never seen again…

~…~

The majority of the class was crying. The story had touched them. Kite wouldn't admit it, but the story was very sad… Especially since he realized that that was a retelling of Vash's life story… Except for the end, of course… He was standing right in front of him, wasn't he?…

Vash sighed. The bell rang. "Alright, class dismissed… There will be a quiz tomorrow on the story…"

~~~

Meryl pounced on Vash and kissed him. "Vash, I am so happy for you! You now have a steady job!" Vash smiled. Milly smiled. Knives scoffed. The others glared at him. 

Vash and Merly got up, and Vash stood in front of Knives. "… Shut up and eat your applesauce." 

Knives glared. "Peh… Fine." He dumped his face into the applesauce.

"Mr. Vash?" Milly started. "When can we let Mr. Knives go?"

"When we can rehabilitate him…" Vash sighed.

"Well, Mr. Working man… Can you keep this job for a month?" 

"We'll see…"

~~~

"Class! Vocal test on story, start!!" Vash yelled. He pointed at a girl. "Sayuri!!"

"Huh?"

"What was Val's last name?!"

"Er… Kaiser III?…"

"Correct! Pass! Bobby!"

"Wassup, Great Teacher Ericks?"

"Name one thing Spoons did to Val!!"

"Uhhh… He shot off his wing, yo… Dat was whack!"

"Peace, my homie!! Pass!"

The quiz went on like this, the questions getting harder, until he reached Kite...

"Kite!!!"

"… What…"

"… What is the moral of the story?…"

"…" Kite had been thinking about this all day yesterday. "The moral is… Give all people a chance, and never give up?…"

"… Close… Not exactly what I would have said… But pass!! Congrats, Kitey-boy!!" A few classmates snickered as Kite sunk in his chair and blushed. _Okay, **now** he's going down… _Kite thought, beginning to smile evilly…

****

To be continued…

~~~ And… that's all for now! Now the story is gonna pick up more in humor now that we've set up everything. So, sayonara! This is Kouji, signing off…


	3. War of Wits

Disclaimer: Ha! If I owned "Trigun", Vash and Meryl would be married at the end of the series! Don't hurt me…

A/N: And I'm back. Thank you so much for reviewing. Things are sure to pick up now, so… Yeah…

Warning: Beware of spoilers!

~~~

GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Chapter 3: _War of Wits_

Another day, another $$. This was what Mr. Nim said as he walked the halls. He said his hello's to a few teachers, broke up a few kissing sessions, and stepped into his office, but not before almost getting trampled by a couple of sophomores running to class. He sighed, plopped into his seat, then chuckled as he realized something. The English teacher had survived longer than any teacher. None had survived more than 2 days. This guy was on his third, and the class adored him. Maybe a little too much…

~~~

Mackenzie innocently blinked at Vash. Vash looked from his book. He was waiting for class to begin. Mackenzie came early today for some reason. He looked at the girl. "Yes?" Mackenzie then hopped into his lap. "Er…"

Mackenzie licked Vash on the ear. "Great Teacher Ericks… Do you want to 'play' after class?…"

Vash's eyes widened. "But… You're only 15!"

"How old are you?…"

Vash quickly made up an age. "Er… 25."

"Ten years? That's not so bad…"

"But… I already have a wife!"

"Bet she's not as cute as me…"

Vash thought for a second, then shook his head and mentally cursed himself. "No! I'm a teacher, you're a student!"

"Great Teacher Ericks, take me!"

Just as she said that, Kite and Sayuri walked into class. Kite smirked. "Gee, teach… Didn't think you were into that!"

Vash glared. "But she's the one that's flirting with me!"

Mackenzie screamed out. "It's not flirting, it's pure love!!"

Kite laughed. "Wait till Mr. Num hears about this!"

Mackenzie hopped away from Vash and pounced on Kite, knocking a few desks out of the way. She began scratching at his face. "You do and I'll rip your balls off!!!"

Kite had never been more scared in his life. Well, besides the Sandsteamer incident. He tried to guard himself from from Mackenzie's "Claws of Fury". "Hey! What the hell are you doing?!" 

Sayuri looked to Vash. "Mr. Stryfe, aren't you going to help him?!"

Vash shook his head. "Nope… I think he can take care of himself… Besides, it's out of my hands…" 

"Fine then! You're just scared!" Sayuri yelled, as she punched Mackenzie in the back of her head. Mackenzie got up and slapped Sayuri. A fight broke out. A few male students arrived to see the cat fight. 

"Yeah!"

"Whoo! Go Mackenzie!"

"Nah, Sayuri's gonna kick her ass…"

Vash sighed. "Okay… Break it up, girls…" 

Mackenzie stopped while in the middle of pulling Sayuri's hair. "Anything for you, Great Teacher Ericks…"

"Now stand up straight!"

They both complied. Sayuri was a tall girl with short, raven black hair that was tied up in a blue scrunchy. She was dressed in the girl's school uniform of a green "sailor fuku", with brown shoes and long white socks. Her eyes were a very light blue. Her hair was currently out of it's pony tail, revealing her hair to be shoulder length. She now had scratches on her face and a black eye.

Mackenzie was a red headed girl with a pony tail, glasses, purple eyes, and was also wearing the uniform. She was a bit shorter than Sayuri. Her glasses were now crooked, and her hair was mussed up. She had a few bruises on her face and blood trickling down her mouth.

Kite sighed at his friend's roughness. He looked about the same as long ago, just older, and his hair was shorter and bit more "ruffled" looking. He was wearing a dark green traditional boy's school uniform of a jacket, pants, and black shoes. His shirt was open, revealing the dress shirt underneath. 

The rest of the class piled in to see the fight, but seeing they were too late, everyone sat in their seats. Vash looked to the class. "Now today class", he began, sitting in his chair, "we will" **Toot.** Vash blushed as a few people giggled. He reached under his seat to reveal a whoopee cushion. "Oh come on… Can't you do better than that, Kite?…"

Kite smirked. "Why yes I can… That is why I also switched between my joke apple and your real apple!"

"Well, that's why I put a fake snake in your desk!"

"Nice. That is why I ordered several pizzas to be delivered here under your name."

"Clever. That is why I replaced your hair gel with honey!"

"That is why I replaced **your** gel with toothpaste!"

"Ha!"

"Ha!"

"It appears we are at a draw…"

"Until next time… When I will strike with more than mere children's jokes!"

The class stared at Vash and Kite. The two stared down each other, lightning coming from each other's eyes. Some kid named Duke touched it to see if he would get shocked. He did. The rest of the class laughed. LAUGH, DARN YOU! Er, sorry…

Suddenly, the phone rang. Vash picked it up. "Hello? No, I **don't** know where your robot is, Mr. Smith! Oh, and tell Mr. Rosewater to give back my memories!" Vash hung up the phone. It rang again. He picked it up. "Oh hello, Mr. Himura! Still out on your journey of helping others? You have a strange new disease and you're going to die?! Your son hates you?! I'm so sorry… Bye, call again!" He hung up. Kite raised an eyebrow. "Idiot…"

"Well… I'm not the one with an atomic wedgie!" Vash pointed to reveal the horrible truth. "But… what the… how the hell did you do that?!" The class, except Sayuri, laughed out loud.

"Now who is the idiot…"

Kite smirked.

Vash sniffed. "Hey, is something cooking?"

Kite grinned evilly and psychotically. "Yes… You!"

Vash looked down to see his pants on fire. "… Ow…" He then jumped out the window, busting up his leg again. "Pain…" He then fell over.

Meanwhile, Kite was getting chewed out and beaten up.

"Why'd ya do that to Great Teacher Ericks!"

Sayuri fought to get through the crowd, but was knocked back. She got back up and Vash burst back in. "Stop! Love and… Peace!" They all suddenly stopped and did the sign. "Love and Peace!" 

Vash smiled brightly, limping in a bit. Kite got up and whispered to Vash playfully. "I'm **not** thanking you…"

Vash lightly punched Kite on the shoulder. "You're **not** welcome… This class is getting scary, though… These kids worship me!" He slowly sat back in his seat. Kite had a 'sorry! I'm really very sorry!' look on his face. Vash gave him a reassuring smile. "Now, class… Get out your books! We are reading, The Pink Kitty!"

The class stared. They stared and stared. Finally, Kite spoke up. "Awesome!" The rest of the class quickly agreed. "Yay!" 

~~~

After the story, Vash had teary eyes. "What a beautiful story!" He cried and the world drowned in his tears. Just kidding. Actually, the whole class, even Kite, was crying. "Poor, poor kitty…" All of a sudden, the bell rang. "Aw, class is over already? WHY?!!!"

"Er…" Kite began. "Teach, we'll see you tomorrow…"

"But tomorrow is too far! The sun will come up tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun!!! Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow! You're only a day away!!!" Vash looked up to see that the class was now gone. "Erm… Class is dismissed…"

****

To be continued…

~~~

That's all for now! Be back tomorrow! It's only a day a-- *shot and dragged off by Knives*

Disclaimer: I do not own "The Big O" or "Rurouni Kenshin"


	4. That Elusive Mayfly Known As

Disclaimer: I… am a woman! No, just kidding! But I do not own Trigun! I also do not own DBZ, Pokemon, Yu Yu Hakusho, or Yu-Gi-Oh! Also, I like all these shows, but I thought it would be funny to make fun of them! Also, I do not own Trix.

A/N: Hello again, everyone! Thank you so much for the comments… I don't deserve it! No, really. Out of all the stories I've written, I've only finished one. I'm lazy… But! I WILL finish this story if it kills me! Wish me luck! As a final note, sorry for the cliché plot of this chapter… But I'll try my best in making it original!

~Kouji

~~~

****

GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Chapter 4: That Elusive Mayfly Known As…

"Love?!" Vash yelled, as Kite smiled brightly. It was after class, and Kite needed to ask Vash something very important…

"Yes… I think I'm falling in love with Sayuri… She's so amazing…"

Vash smiled at Kite. Then suddenly, he burst out laughing. "Puahahahaha!! You've gotta be kidding!"

Kite growled, then punched Vash in the face. "Bastard! What's so funny?!"

Vash rubbed his nose, still laughing a little. "I'm sorry… It's just that… You're so short, and she's so…not…" Vash explained, patting Kite on the head. Kite frowned. Since he had last saw Vash, he had only grown a foot. Vash then calmed down. "Sorry… That was uncalled for… But what do you want me to do?"

Kite sighed. "Well, you're a poetic guy, aren't you?!"

Vash smiled egoistically. "Well, I'm no Shakespeare, but…"

Kite got on his knees. "Please!! You've gotta help me!! Write some that lovey-dovey crap!"

"It's not crap! I'm not gonna write anything with **that** attitude!"

"Alright, sorry… It's not crap! Please help me!!"

"I dunno… What if Meryl finds out? She'll think I'm seeing someone else!"

"Then tell her about it! She'll probably think it's 'cute' or something!"

Vash chuckled. "You really like Sayuri, don't you?…"

"Hell, yes!"

"Alright…"

~~~

And so, Vash wrote and wrote… Then he wrote some more! Then, he ate a donut!

The next morning, Vash and Kite got to the school extra early. They were in the storage closet. Vash handed Kite the poem. "Now, here's what we do…" Vash then got out 2 "Heart" costumes. "Now, put this on."

"… How about not, and say we did?…" Kite said.

"Come on! It's all part of my plan!"

"The plan to embarrass Mr. Briefs by beating Mr. Son in a fight when he couldn't?"

"Huh?…"

"Nevermind…"

Suddenly a black cat with green eyes hopped out of one of the costumes. "Maow…"

Kite pointed to the costume. "That one's yours…" The cat then scratched Kite on the hand. "Ow! Damn cat!" The cat hissed, then walked off. 

"Now, put on the costume!" Vash yelled.

"Never!" Kite screamed.

Vash got a huge demon head. "Yes you will!!!" He then forced Kite into the costume. 

"… This is stupid… Remind me to kill you for this…"

"Alright, but then they'll be no one to write you your love poems!"

"…Fine, let's just get this over with…"

Vash put his costume on, and suddenly, the closet door opened. The custodian, Mr. Hexter, was staring at the two of them. "… Er… I'm not even gonna ask…" He then closed the door.

~~~

Vash and Kite walked into the class. The class gave them weird looks. A student whispered to another. "See?! Hexter was right!!!" Most of the girls in class screamed. "Kawaii!!!" Vash and Kite lightly blushed. Kite cleared his throat. "Sayuri… A poem for you…" He read the poem:

__

With your beautiful eyes of icy blue,

I declare that I love you…

He then whispered to Vash. "Is that it?!" 

Vash whimpered. "Hey, I was having an off night! It was the best I could do! Plus, Knives scared me when he talked in his sleep… He was talking about cute little monsters beating up each other while their masters barked commands!"

Sayuri blushed. She then asked Vash. "Mr. Stryfe, may Kite and I have a few moments alone?"

Vash nodded, then gave Kite a slight grin. Kite returned the grin and he walked into the hallway with Sayuri. "Yes, Sayuri?"

"… Kite, tell me the truth…"

"Huh?"

"Who really wrote that poem?"

"Um… well…"

"Kite, please! If you really do love me… Tell me…"

"Fine… It was V-- Er, GTE… How did you know it wasn't me?"

"Because, you couldn't write a poem to save your life!"

"Oh, thanks…" Kite said sarcastically. 

Sayuri laughed. "No, problem… Kite, think you can hook me up with Mr. Stryfe?"

"What?!"

"Just kidding! The truth is, I like you too…"

"Oh… Like…"

She kissed him on the cheek. "Yes… You're a nice guy, but I'm not ready for a relationship… Maybe later?"

Kite nodded. "Alright…"

Sayuri smiled. "Good! Now take that costume off, it's scaring me!"

Kite sweat dropped.

~~~

"… Where are Kite and Sayuri?" Vash wondered. Then suddenly, they walked back in, straightening their clothes. "Oh my god…"

Kite smiled. "Relax, we didn't do anything serious…"

"Um…"

"Gotcha! We didn't do anything! We just ruffled up our clothes!"

Vash sweat dropped. "Alright… Class, time to get serious! Get out your books!"

The class then got out, well… Their books…

"Now, what have we learned so far this year?!" Random suggestions were yelled out.

"That there really are hot teachers?"

"That butterflies are weird?"

"Dat heart costumes be freaky as hell, yo?"

Vash's face turned angrily red. "No! What have we learned about English?"

"…"

"That's right!! Nothing!! So, turn to page… 3..."

They did.

"Now, make a funny paper hat!"

They did.

"Now, set your books so they make a triangle-without-a-bottom shape!"

They did.

"There! Now you're a stranded sailor!"

"A what?!"

"I dunno… I heard about them from a special friend…" Vash then spaced out.

"Erm… Great Teacher Ericks? Homie?" Bobby said.

Kite sighed, then smiled. "We've lost him again…"

~~~

Meanwhile, Knives was sitting alone at home. He looked at the wall. "Hey, don't look at me like that!"

Yusuke Urameshi smirked. "And why not? I'm gonna kick your ass for all those people you killed… Right, Goku?"

Goku nodded. "Yep! I wanna fight!" He then went Super Saiyan 500.

"NOW!!! IT IS TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!!! PREPARE YOUR DECK!!!" Yami Yugi stood, with seizure giving lights flashing in the background. He farted, and his coat went up.

~~~

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Knives yelled, waking up. He sighed in relief, but still tied up. "What a horrible dream…" He then dumped in face into the remainder of his Trix. "Stupid rabbit, Trix are for genocidal manics!!! Mwahahahaha!!!"

~~~

"AHHHHHH!!!" Suddenly, Vash awoke in a bed. "Oh, thank goodness… It was all a dream…" He looked to the side to see Wolfwood in bed with him.

"So, was it good for you, too?"

~~~

"Oh god, NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! NNNoooo…" Vash awoke in class, then burst out crying. He fell to the floor, and whimpered. "It burns… Evil…" He then got up. "Hello, class! What shall we do now?!"

The class stared at the teacher. Kite raised an eyebrow. "Um… The bell just rung… We need you to dismiss us…"

"… Oh! Class is dismissed!"

****

To be continued…

~~~

And, that's all! I was in a very happy, weird mood today, as you can tell… Bye for now! Kouji signing off!


	5. NDB

Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun. Blah.

A/N: Okay, now let's see… Ah, yes. The plot starts here! That is all… Oh, and I now realize I was spelling "Kaite" wrong… I was spelling it "Kite". That shall be fixed here! 

~~~

****

GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Chapter 5: _N.D.B_

"Hey, Kaite… What happened to your name?…" Vash asked one morning.

"Hm?" Kaite asked.

"It has an 'a' in it now on my attendance sheet…"

"Oh, there was a spelling mistake, and I had it corrected yesterday morning."

"Ah, I see…"

The rest of the class walked in, and they all settled in.

"Class! New students today!"

Two people walked in. A girl and a boy. The girl had perfect looking, long golden hair. Her uniform looked like it was made for her. Her eyes seemed unique, and were an emerald green. Her face was smooth, and devoid of any marks. Her smile was also perfect. 

Vash pointed to the girl. "This is Mary Sue!"

The boy was tall, with hair as golden as the girls. His eyes were a beautiful green. The uniform accented him, despite his clashing golden hair. His skin was scarless, and his smile made all the girls melt.

Vash pointed to the boy. "And this is her twin brother, Gary Stu!" He scratched his head. "Now where have I heard those names before?…"

Both twins said perfectly in unison. "Hello! It's nice to meet you!"

Kaite and Sayuri stared at the twins, then each other. Kaite spoke up first, in a monotone voice. "Strange… I can't help but be attracted to Mary Sue, despite the fact I'm in love with you, Sayuri…"

Sayuri followed suit. "And I'm not ready for a relationship, but I can't help but want to marry Gary Stu…"

"Interesting…" Vash muttered. "Please have a seat, Mary and Gary!"

They did, as they gave off a mysterious aura. 

"Now, how about telling us about yourselves?" Vash asked.

Mary stood up. "I am a blackbelt in all known forms of martial arts, can shoot as good as Vash the Stampede, and I'm the daughter of Legato Bluesummers."

Vash then gulped, then pointed at Gary. "Then…"

Gary stood up. "Yes. I am the son of Legato Bluesummers. I am a **better** shot than Vash, and can speak all known languages. I also have powers like my father." They both sat down. Vash sweated a bit.

Suddenly, the intercom came on. It was by Vice Principal Nimoy Dastun Brooksworth. "This is an announcement… The Principal, Sammy Nim Num… Has been killed. We have no idea who did it, so the school is going on lockdown."

Vash walked over to the door and locked it. "So… Everyone remain calm…"

The class sat there for a few seconds, then everyone except Mary and Gary erupted with yelling and screaming.

"Gah!!"

"We're gonna die!!"

"I'm like, too pretty to die!"

"I'm too fly to die, yo!"

Vash glared at them all. "I said remain calm! The louder you are, the higher the chances of the killer finding us!"

The class then immediately calmed down. Mackenzie then hopped into Vash's arms. "Oh, Great Teacher Ericks! Let's stop all of this denial! Since we are going to die anyway, make love to me here and now!!"

Vash dropped Mackenzie. "No one is going to die!!" He then looked to Mackenzie on the ground. "And no!!"

Vash looked to see that everyone was here. Everyone except Kaite and Sayuri, that is… _Crap!_ Vash thought. _They must have escaped during the chaos!_ He looked around the room to see an open air duct! "Damnit!!" he yelled out loud. He looked to the class. "Stay right here! I'll be right back!" He then crawled through the air ducts.

Mackenzie whimpered, then screamed out. "Stay safe, Great Teacher Ericks!"

~~~

Meanwhile, Kaite and Sayuri were crawling through the air ducts. "Kaite, are you sure this is safe?… What if we get caught?"

"Sayuri, I have to tell you something…"

"… You're not a woman, are you?!"

Kaite sweat dropped. "N-No! The whole reason I enrolled here was because… I'm a secret agent…"

"… Riiight…"

"Really! After a Sandsteamer incident, I was put on the mission of following the Badlads leader, 'Brilliant Dynamites Neon', and report his actions."

"And why would B.D.N. be here?"

"Because… Our Vice Principal is B.D.N…"

"Right, and our English teacher is Vash the Stampede…"

Kaite sweat dropped. "Well, he would probably kill me for telling you this, but…"

~~~

Suddenly, back in the class, N.D.B., er, B.D.N… Was making another announcement. Vash jumped out of the air duct to hear the announcement. B.D.N. spoke. "This is your Vice-Principal, Nimoy Dastun Brooksworth! Or should I say, Brilliant Dymamites Neon!" The class gasped. 

Vash gasped louder. "Egad! How come I didn't see it before?! N.D.B., B.D.N.!!! I'm so stupid!"

~~~

"Whaaaaaaaaat?!" Sayuri screamed.

"Yep… Hard to believe, huh?…" Kaite nodded, as if confirming something.

"I still can't believe that our English is really Vash the Stampede…"

"Yep… So I have to try and get a report to HQ…"

"And I have to get your butt back to class!"

"Yes, and… Huh?!" Kaite looked back to see Vash. 

"Hello!"

"Vash… What are you doing here?…"

"I should be asking you that!"

"I have a mission… In this case, you are a civilian."

"Er… Did I miss something?"

"… Nevermind… C'mon. We gotta stop him. Sayuri, get back to class."

"… But…" Sayuri started.

"NOW!!!"

"… Fine then…" Sayuri then crawled back in the other direction.

Vash and Kaite crawled for a while, before reaching the Main Office. They looked through the door to the duct, but all of a sudden, the door opened and they fell through. They quickly stood to be face to face with B.D.N. The Badlad leader smiled evilly. "Well, well, well… It's been a while!"

Vash growled. "What are you up to this time, B.D.N.?"

"Well, just to follow the 'Code of Evil Masterminds', I'll tell you my plan… I plan to fulfill every kids dream in a flashy and beautiful way!"

Vash perked up. "Free Carnival Day?!"

B.D.N. sweat dropped. "Noo!! Blow up the school! But not in a boring way… I'll blow it up using… Trix!"

"… Trix?"

"Yes! And I'll tie the 'Trix' bomb to…" B.D.N. walked over to a curtain, then pulled it away to reveal Sayuri, Meryl, Milly, and Knives tied up. "Them!!"

"Noo!!! Let them go, Brilliant Dynamites Neon!"

"Why should I? They'll make it all the more flashy and beautiful!"

Vash took a step, before a bunch of Badlads came out of nowhere and aimed their guns at Vash and Kite. "Oh, poopy…"

But then, all of a sudden, they all fell to the ground, dead. Everyone except Milly looked on in shock. She just smiled. A familiar voice rang through the room. "Well, what do we have here?… It seems you can't get out of anything without my help, Needle Noggin…" Vash's eyes widened, and out from the shadows walked a man named Nicholas D. Wolfwood…

****

To be continued…

~~~

Whee! Cliffhanger! You all hate me now, don't you! Just wait till tomorrow… ^_^ Kouji, signing off!


	6. And So, Under the What the Hell is Going...

Disclaimer: … You're ****ting me, right?…

A/N: Ack! Don't kill me!!! All will be explained in this chapter! Whee! Okay, not really… If anything, a few more questions might be brought up. Also, I apologize for the 'seriousness' of this chapter. I just wanted a break from the senseless crazy humor.

~Kouji

~~~

**__**

Previously, on GTE!: A lockdown was ordered as the Principal was killed. 2 new mysterious students who claim to be Legato's children appeared. Vash and Kaite decided to investigate the murder, and Brilliant Dynamites Neon reemerged. He was going to blow up the school with a Trix bomb. Then Wolfwood shows up! Huh?! 

**And now, back to our story…**

****

GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Chapter 6: _And So, Under the-- What the Hell is Going ON?!?!_

"Wolfwood?!" Vash asked in amazement. "But… How?!" Meryl and Knives were still in shock, but Milly was still smiling. Kaite, Sayuri, and B.D.N. were confused. 

Wolfwood smiled, still walking out of the shadows. "Well, it's quite simple, really… Milly brought me back to life with the 7 magical Dragon Balls." He tossed Vash his old gun.

Vash looked at his gun, then looked like he was about to cry. "That poor dragon…" Vash whimpered.

Wolfwood growled. "Not those kind, Needle Noggin!!"

B.D.N. raised an eyebrow, and spoke up. "I don't like being ignored…"

The two looked to B.D.N. "Oh! Sorry!" Vash apologized. 

Wolfwood bonked him on the head. "Idiot! Ya don't apologize to 'im!"

"Sorry…"

Wolfwood sighed. "Alright, whatever…" He smirked, readying his gun. "Ya ready to roll, buddy?"

"Whenever you are, old friend…" They then faced off against the Badlad leader, and…

~~~

"I still can't believe you tripped over your shoe laces!" Wolfwood said, now tied up, along with Vash and the others on the Trix bomb. Earlier, Vash and Wolfwood, ran at B.D.N., but Vash tripped on his shoelace. Wolfwood tripped over Vash, and they dropped their guns. Then, they were tied up onto the Trix bomb.

Knives glared at B.D.N. "You fiend! How dare you use my Trix!"

Kaite glared at Sayuri. "How did you get caught?…"

Sayuri frowned. "Well, I didn't exactly go back to class…"

"Sayuri…"

"I'm sorry…"

~~~

Back in the class, the intercom came on. It was B.D.N. "Hello again, class!" The class all booed. "I have yet another announcement! Y'know your English teacher, Great Teacher Ericks?…" 

~~~

Vash's eyes widened. "NNNNOOOOO!!! Don't do it!!!"

B.D.N. glared at Vash. "Shut up! You're being unbeautiful!"

~~~

"Anyway, GTE is actually…"

~~~

"NOOOO!!" Vash screamed. "DAMNIT, NNNNOOOOOO!!! You're going to ruin everything! I finally found a purpose in this world… If you tell them… They… they might be scared of me… I'd never be able to show my face again…"

"…So? I'm gonna blow the school up anyway…" B.D.N. smirked. 

"With the children in it?! Leave them out of this!"

~~~

"GTE is… Vash the Stampede!" B.D.N. boomed over the intercom. The class gasped in shock. Girls fainted. People shook their heads in disappointment. 

"I--I can't believe it…"

"He lied to us… Dat messed up, yo!"

Mackenzie feel to the floor, distraught. "No! This can't be!!! My Great Teacher Ericks is actually… The infamous Vash the Stampede!"

~~~

"NNNNNOOOOOO!!!!" Vash screamed out. He lowered his head and began crying. Everyone else looked on in sympathy. Meryl had a look of hurt on her face, not wanting to see Vash so devastated. _Poor Vash,_ she thought. _He was really beginning to like this job… And now, just before everyone in the school is going to die, that bastard B.D.N. 1adds to the pain by revealing Vash's identity._

"Oh, c'mon…" B.D.N. sneers. "You should be honored! You are gonna go up in a big, beautiful, flashy way!"

All of a sudden, Wolfwood yelled out. "Good lord, what is that?!"

B.D.N. looked behind him. "What?!" He saw nothing. "Nice try, but---" he looked back to see the whole gang untied.

"What the-- How?!" B.D.N. yelled.

Wolfwood smirked. "Cut the rope… It's a good thing I'm so scrawny…"

Vash picked up his gun and pointed it at B.D.N. "It's over, Brilliant Dynamites Neon… You RUINED my new LIFE!"

B.D.N. smirked, then aimed at Vash. "Oh it is, is it?… I've already set the timer on the bomb…"

Vash looked over to Kaite. "Kaite! You know how to deactivate a bomb?!"

Kaite nodded uneasily. "Sort of…"

"Well, do your best… If you blow us up, I'll kill you."

Kaite smiled. "I will… Do my best…" he then turned around to the bomb. "Now let's see…"

"Ooh! Ooh!" Milly hopped up and down. "The purple wire! It's pretty!"

Wolfwood sighed and took Milly to the side. "Not right now, honey… Let the boy concentrate…"

Kaite sighed. "I can't do this… I'm gonna get us all killed faster!"

Sayuri looked to Kaite, then smiled. "I believe in you, Kaite…"

"Thank you…" He wiped a bit of sweat from his brow. There were 5 wires. A red one, a blue one, a green one, a yellow one, and a purple one. 

Vash and B.D.N. stared each other down. B.D.N. laughed. "I wonder… What would happen if there was a misfire and you shot one of your friends…"

Vash glared. "I won't miss…"

All of a sudden, B.D.N. shot Vash without warning. He dodge, but then was hit with a barrage of bullets and hit the wall. B.D.N. tossed the hidden machine gun to the side. 

"Vash!" Meryl ran over to Vash, when Knives grabbed her. "Huh?! Let me go!!"

Knives laughed. "What, and let Vash kill me if you get hurt, or worse?… He can take care of himself…"

Meryl looked at Knives in disbelief. "I…"

"Yeah, but don't get used to it… This was just a one time deal… After this, it's back to fighting spiders…"

"Cut the purple one!" Milly said, jumping behind Kaite. The distraction caused Kaite to snip the purple wire.

"SHIT!!!" he screamed, and dodged to the side. Nothing happened. Kaite slowly crawled to the bomb. He then smiled. "Hey, it's a--" the bomb than had a small explosion, blowing up in Kaite's face. "--dud…" He coughed smoke and fell over. Sayuri ran over to Kaite, shaking him. "Kaite! Are you alright?!" 

Kaite opened his eyes. "H-hey…"

Sayuri smiled. "You were brave…"

"Really?…"

"Yep… And I think I like you even more…"

"Really?!" Kaite brightened up.

"Uh huh… But still not enough to go out with you! Sorry!"

**DENIED.**

"That's so mean…" Kaite whimpered. 

Vash grabbed his sides. "Ow… That really smarts…"

"Great Teacher Ericks!!"

"Eh?!" Vash looked to see the entire class, except Mary and Gary, there. "What are you doing here?! It's dangerous!"

Bobby stepped up. "Man, we came here to support you, yo! Even though you didn't teach us jack, besides the whole 'Love and Peace' thing, which was bomb, yo!"

"I love you, Great Teacher Vash!! I wanna tie you to my bed and do hot, wet, and sticky things to you!!"

Vash sweat dropped. "Um…" He looked over to Meryl to see her glaring at him. "It wasn't my idea! She's weird!"

The class yelled and cheered. "We believe you, Vash!!!"

Vash staggered to his feet, raising his gun. "I promise I will beat him!" He looked to Kaite and Sayuri, who nodded at him. He looked to Meryl, Knives, and his friends, who smiled at him. He smiled brightly. "Alright! It's go time!" He dodges gunfire from B.D.N. then hopped up on the desk. He jumped from that, just as it was shot and shattered. B.D.N. looked around for Vash, as Vash swung from the ceiling fan and kicked B.D.N. in the jaw. Vash fell to the ground and shot B.D.N. in both legs. The outlaw fell to his knees. Vash smiled and fell to the ground due to blood loss.

B.D.N. smirked. "You… Think you've won, don't you?"

Vash's smiled quickly disappeared. "W…What?…"

B.D.N.'s legs gained a metal plating on them, and he stood up. "Robotic repairs… Nifty, ain't they?…"

"…Nifty?…" Wolfwood repeated in disbelief.

The class had looks of despair on their faces.

Vash struggled to get back up. "N-No… I won't… fail them… I promised…"

B.D.N. glared. "Can't you see that you've lost?!"

A voice rang through the room. "No… But can you?"

B.D.N.'s eyes widened and he fell over, dead.

"What the hell?!" Wolfwood began, looking around for the source of the voice. 

Then out of the shadows, Gary walked out, followed by Mary. Mary shook her head. "My, my my… Is that all the 'Vash the Stampede' is capable of?…" She smiled evilly. "I'm somewhat…" She licked the barrel of her gun. "Disappointed…"

Gary smiled with the same evil grin. "Yes… It would be a shame if you, Vash, wouldn't present us a challenge… Because now that we know who you are… You will pay for out father's death…"

Vash glared. "Your father was a madman… He wanted me to kill him. Besides, I had no choice…"

Mary walked up to and slapped Vash. "Lies. You will suffer…" Meryl kept herself from attacking the girl. The twins turned and left, but not before Gary made a final statement. "See you in class tomorrow, Great Teacher Ericks… Or should we say, Vash the Stampede…" Vash and the others were left in silence…

~~~ One Week Later…~~~

Vash walked up to the school for the first time in a week. It had been closed for repairs, and the search for a new Principal and Vice-Principal. He sighed, and walked the halls. He passed by the gym, as the P.E. Teacher waved to him. 

"Howdy, Needle Noggin!" 

Vash waved back. "Hi, Wolfwood…" He walked past, then ran back. "Wolfwood?!" 

Nicholas D. Wolfwood laughed. "Yep! I'm the new P.E. teacher!"

"Oh, boy…"

"Hey… What the hell's that supposed to mean?…"

"Oh, nothing!" Vash smiled as he walked off. 

"Hey!!! Don't ignore me, Needle Noggin!"

~~~

Vash walked upstairs, when the intercom came on. "Mr. Stryfe!" The new principal was female. "Report to the Main Office!" 

Vash sighed as he went upstairs. "Now what…" When he reached the office, Milly greeted him. "Hiya, Mr. Vash!!" she said, smiling.

"Milly?! You're the--"

"Yep! I'm the new Vice-Principal!"

"Then that means…"

The Principal turned in her chair. She looked at Vash, smiling. It was Meryl. "Hi, sweety!"

Vash fainted. Meryl and Milly got worried looks on their faces as they attempted to wake him up.

~~~

Meanwhile, in History class…

"Hello, obnoxious teenage spider children!! I am your new teacher! My name is Millions Knives!!"

The class stared, scared at the new teacher. Knives had a smile on his face. "I'm gonna love this job…"

Oh god, help us all…


	7. Great Teacher Vash!

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah… If you sue me, I'll cry. ;_;

A/N: And because last chapter was so "serious", I'm returning to the old formula of humor over plot. Mary and Gary (shudder) are still here, though. I'll try to ease up on the drama and stuff… So, enjoy!

~Kouji

~~~

****

GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Chapter 7: _Great Teacher Vash!_

****

Augusta High School Report: 

And so, peace returned to Augusta High School. The students and teachers were a bit traumatized, but that's about it. The public's response to the English teacher being Vash the Stampede: No response at all. After hearing how he saved the school from destruction, he was a hero. The only thing that changed was his relationship with a few students. They thought he was 'cooler' than before. 

There were several other changes to the school. Meryl Stryfe and Milly Thompson were the new Principal and Vice-Principal, respectively. The P.E. teacher, who left due to trauma, was replaced by a newly revived Nicholas D. Wolfwood. The History teacher, who also left due to being scared beyond belief, was replaced by Millions Knives. We hope these changes will help improve the school even more!

~Phil Shomore, _Superintendent_.

~~~

~~~Earlier that morning…~~~

"Ah! What a beautiful morning!" Vash said as he woke up. He yawned, then looked to Meryl's side of the bed. "Good mor--" She wasn't there. _That's odd…_Vash thought. _Meryl and Milly have the noon shift at work today… Oh well, they must have gone shopping! _He got ready for school, and was very excited, as the school was reopening after some repairs. He went to go wake up Knives, who had graduated to a room in a big closet they had. He was still kept under constant watch though, and it was till debated wheter or not he should have a job. "Oh well", Vash thought, as he woke up Knives. 

"Snore… **Hurt** all spiders…" Knives mumbled in his sleep. 

Vash twitched. "Well, at least he's improving…" He poked Knives.

"Grah!!" Knives screamed as he woke up. "Hiten Misturugi Style!!!"

Vash screamed. "Ahhh, don't hurt me!!"

Knives regained his state of mind, then stared at Vash. "Oh, it's you…"

"What you say !!"

" How are you Vash !! All your base is belong to us !!"

"Er…"

"Sorry… I have that 'History teacher' job today, don't I?…"

"… Yes…"

"Ah…" Knives got a freaky smile on his face.

"… Do I have to shoot you in the leg again?… I don't wanna, but if necessary…"

"No! Evil!!! Please no!!!"

"Well then, let's get ready…"

The two brothers got dressed. Vash was wearing his usual 'teacher' outfit. Knives was wearing a blue suit. It was completely blue. The shirt, the jacket, the pants, the shoes. Anyway, they hopped into Vash's red Jeep. Knives glared. "I wanna drive…"

Vash stared at Knives. "Last time I let you drive, we ended up on **Earth**… That was a very, very scary experience…"

"Hey, we got back, didn't we?"

"Yes, but afterwards we crashed into a plant."

Knives got teary eyed. "That poor, poor, plant…"

"The point is, you're not driving!"

"Fine then…"

And so, they drove off. They arrived a few minutes later, with Knives complaining to Vash about how he lost the chance to run over an 'old spider man'. Vash smacked Knives in the head and they went to their respective classes. 

~~~ Even earlier that morning…~~~

"Meryl!!! What are we gonna do?! I lost the morning announcements!" Milly yelled in worry. She was wearing the school uniform. 

"Don't panic! It has to be here somewhere!" She then looked at Milly. "Um, Milly?…"

"Yes, Meryl?"

"You don't have to wear the uniform…"

"Oh, I know that! I just didn't think it was fair that teachers don't have to wear the uniform!"

"Er…Okay… Anyway, I was thinking of surprising Vash today!"

"That's a good idea!"

"Alright Milly, here's what we do…"

~~~Meanwhile, in the Gym…~~~

"… How did I get myself into this mess?…" Wolfwood aske himself as he looked at the Gym he was now in charge of. "Oh, yeah… 'Nicky dear, please work as the new P.E. teacher?!' Heh…" He was about to light up, but read all the "No Smoking" signs. He put his lighter away. "Damnit…" 

Just then, Vash walked by. Wolfwood waved at him. "Howdy, Needle Noggin!" Vash waved back. Wolfwood chuckled when Vash came back, shock on his face. They had a tiny convo, then Vash walked off, haven gotten the better of Wolfwood. "Hey! Don't ignore me, Needle Noggin!" He sighed, then looked at his schedule. He began to list off the game choices outloud. "Basketball, football, hockey, racing, pickle ball, donutball-- Donut ball?…" He stopped. "Actually, football doesn't seem so bad…" 

He went over to the closet that had said to have the balls in there. He opened the door, and a huge wall of balls fell over on top of him. "Holy sh--" He never finished that phrase. He was buried under several different types of balls. Big ones, small ones, hairy ones… Heeey… Get your mind out of the gutter! Anyway, Wolfwood dug his way out of the pile of balls. He sighed again. "I'm gonna hate this job…"

~~~

Meanwhile, in English class, Knives had an entirely different reaction to teaching. "I'm going to love this job…" He had the class in the palm of his hand. They were scared of him. He loved the power. A student raised his hand. Knives called over to him. "Yes, puny spider child!!! I **am** superior to you!" He smiled brightly as the student shivered. 

Knives thought for moment. "Ah, yes… I'm supposed to teach you 'History' or whatever…" He picked up a book. "Wel then, where should I start?… Well, once upon a time, the Earth was plagued by a disgusting new species… Humans… I like to call them SPIDERS!!!"

~~~A half an hour later…~~~

"And so, you pathetic spiders introduced… War. Things in nature have always fought, but you spiders fight over trivial things!!!! You're all 'Oh look, he doesn't agree with me, declare war on him!!!' or 'I want your country, even though mine is big enough to choke a Nebraska family member!!' Peh… You humans disgust me… But you also amuse me, so I don't kill you right away… That and the fact I don't want my brother to shoot me in the leg again…" The class stared at Knives. Knives stared at the class. They all stopped staring.

~And now, back to our present setting…~  


After fainting, Vash awoke, his head in Meryl's lap. "Ooh, this is nice…" 

Meryl stared at Vash. "You're awake?… Good… Get to class…"

"But can't I stay here longer?…"

"GO!"

"Alright!" Vash then ran to class.

~~~

"Class! It's good to see you again!" Vash yelled, smiling and running into the room.

Kaite smirked. "It's good to see you, Vash…"

Mackenzie hopped out of nowhere, and knocked Vash over in a glomp. "Great Teacher Vash! Welcome back! Let us go to the Storage Closet! I have rope!"

"Er… No, and my wife is the Principal now, so…"

"Damn! My rival has new powers over me! She wins this round!" She then hopped off of Vash and sat back into her seat.

Suddenly, a chill ran through the room. A familiar chill… Vash frowned. "Oh no…" Then, Mary Sue and Gary Stu arrived and took their seats. "What are you two doing here?!"

Gary smiled at Vash. "Why Great Teacher Vash… Does the fact that we loathe you and want to kill you give you the right to deny us an education?…"

"Yes! Now get out, please!"

Mary grinned. "Mr. Stryfe, you are so mean…"

"Yes, I'm a mean bad scary man! Rar!"

"Um…"

"Alright, fine! You can stay! But no funny business!"

Mary and Gary smiled quite sadistically while Vash began to sweat. He began to think to himself. "Oh what have I done?…"

~~~

After getting two footballs out, Wolfwood watched as people came into the Gym from the locker rooms. He smiled, as he realized he would be working with kids. Older kids, yes, but kids nonetheless. He stood up and faced the students. "Hello class. I am Nicholas D. Wolfwood. I will be your new Physical Education instructor." He 'urked' as the girls in class pounced on him.

~~~

In English Vash wrote on the board. "Class, starting next week, we will have silent reading in the morning. I want you to bring your own books." A student raised his hand. The student had dirty blonde spiky hair, a bracelet with three rows of studs, and a black shirt underneath his jacket. "Yes, Jin?…" 

The boy spoke up. "… Does manga count?…"

Vash sweat dropped. "Er, no… Sorry."

Jin pouted. 

~~~

After class ended, Vash talked with Kaite. "I'm… disappointed…"

Kaite raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? You actually did something English related today!"

"Yeah, but besides that… I get the feeling nothing was accomplished today…"

"Actually, yeah… You ever get the feeling that our lives were never real?"

"Huh?…"

"Y'know, the feeling that our lives are fictional… And we were created to entertain people… And then people write stories based on you, some are masterpieces worthy of being an episode of your 'life', some are utter crap. Some have you married to the person you're most likely to get with, some have you sleeping with your sworn enemy of the same sex."

"Erm… Aren't you late for class?…"

"Oh, yeah! Seeya!" Kaite then ran off.

Vash then sat down. "Oh boy… What a day… Hopefully tomorrow will be more normal…" he then leaned back in his chair too far and fell out the window. "Ow… Medic…"

****

To be continued…

~~~

And that's all for now! Sorry for the lack of plot, I was just setting up the new set-up of this story. Chapters from this point on will probably get longer to cover the adventures of not only Vash, but Wolfwood, Meryl and Milly, and Knives! There will be 2 to 3 subplots along with the main plot. Gary and Mary will become even bigger characters. Just stick with me, this will get interesting…


	8. A Normal Weekend

Disclaimer: I'm not writing one… =P

A/N: I've been thinking of taking a break until Thursday, Friday and the weekend, as I don't have school those days. So if I don't write for three days, that's why… That is all.

~~~Kouji

~~~

****

GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Chapter 8: _A Normal Weekend…_

Vash awoke and yawned. It was a Sunday, and he was off for the day. He kissed the sleeping Meryl on the cheek and hopped out of bed. He ran down the stairs, tripped half way, and fell the rest of the way down. "Ow…" He got up, and stumbled into the kitchen. Knives sat at the table, smiling with a bowl of Trix. You fell down the stairs again, didn't you?…" 

Vash glared at Knives. "Shut up…"

Just then, Wolfwood silently snuck out of Milly's room. He sweated as he realized that Vash and Knives were looking at him. "Um… Hey…"

Vash smirked. "Sooo… "

"Shut up!"

"Heh, heh…"

"You have no right to laugh! At least I'm not sleeping with a harpy!"

"Don't talk about my wife like that!"

"… Alright, sorry… Meryl's my friend, too…"

"You should say sorry yourself… She's standing right behind you!"

"Urk?!…" he looked back to see an angry Meryl standing behind him. 

"A harpy, am I…" Meryl glared. 

"I'm sorry, Meryl!"

"… Tell Milly I'm sorry that she won't be having any children with you…"

"Meryl, please don't!"

"Meryl?…" Milly said, coming out of the room. "What's going on?…"

"Honey!!" Wolfwood said, hiding behind Milly. "She's gonna neuter me!!"

"… HUH?!"

~~~

Meanwhile, Kaite awoke on the couch in the home of his adopted family. He yawned, and went into the kitchen to get something to eat. His parents were not home. "Damn, we need to go shopping again…" He picked up an almost empty box of Donut O's, then thought 'what the hell' and ate that. 

A few minutes later, Sayuri emerged from that same couch, clad in nothing but a t-shirt and boxers. She yawned, and went into the kitchen. Kaite almost choked on his cereal as he saw Sayuri. "Wh--wha… What?…"

Sayuri gave Kaite a strange look, then looked at herself. "Oh! Don't you remember, my clothes were soaked, so you let me wear some of your stuff… I usually sleep naked, but…" She stared as Kaite got a nose bleed and started to drool. "Perv!" She then punched Kaite in the face. He whimpered. She smiled in satisfaction. 

Kaite rubbed his face, then put his cereal aside. "So, what do you wanna do today?…" He was in nothing but boxers. "… And what were you doing on the couch with me?…"

Sayuri sighed. "Well, you fell asleep on the couch, and I didn't feel like sleeping in your room alone", she shuddered.

"… Hey, what wrong with my room?"

"Well no offense, but that place is frightening…"

"…"

"What?!"

"…"

"Aw, c'mon! Don't be that way!"

"… I just realized something…"

"… What?"

"… You look HOT in boxers…"

A few minutes later, Kaite was on the floor, a spoon up his nose. "Ow… What did I say?!…"

~~~

"So… Meryl… It's the weekend… Milly, Wolfwood, and Knives are out shopping… We're alone… What should we do?…"

"… Not right now, I have a headache…"

"… I know what could make it better!"

"Ohhhh yes, the strawberries and cream…" Meryl blushed and shook her head. "No… Not right now…"

"Aww… Then can I--"

"… Yes, you may…"

"Whoo hoo!" Vash reached under Meryl's shirt and--

~~~

At the marketplace, Milly smiled, Wolfwood looked annoyed, and Knives looked like he was gonna kill someone. What else is new? Anyway, Knives scowled. "I don't get it… Why do spiders buy things when they could get them for free!"

"Because", Wolfwood began, "supplies are limited, so buying things keeps resources from running out…"

"Peh, like you spiders would know… Who used up Earth's resources?"

"I wasn't even born yet! None of us humans alive now were!"

"Whatever…"

"Grr… You're really starting to piss me off!"

"… And what are you gonna do about it?…"

"You wanna fight?! Let's go!"

"I don't want to soil my hands with human blood…"

Milly frowned. "Sweety! Mr. Knives! Please stop!"

Wolfwood lightly pushed Milly to the side. "Honey, let me take care of this… You might get hurt!"

Knives smirked. "Yes Ms. Thompson, after being so kind to me, I wouldn't want to see you hurt…"

"Alright, it's go time!"

~~~

~~~The Augusta City jail~~~

"Hurt the spiders!! This is unjust!!!" Knives said, banging on the bars. 

"Shut up…" Wolfwood scowled. "You're giving me a headache the size of my Cross Punisher… You've been ranting since we got here…"

"How many days have we been here?!"

"… 3 **hours**…"

"3 days?! Seems more like three years!!!"

"… You're a dammed idiot! You didn't even listen!"

"Well, I didn't get to finish my Trix!"

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?!"

"… I don't know…" Knives then reached down his pants.

"Ugh! At least wait until it's night!"

"No, you fool…" Knives then pulled out a half eaten bowl of Trix.

"… The hell?… Nevermind, I dun even wanna know…"

"Hmph…" Knives then happily ate his Trix.

~~~

Kaite chased Sayuri through the house. Sayuri giggled as she held up the picture of Kaite and Vash shortly after the Sandsteamer incident. Vash was giving Kaite 'bunny ears'. Kaite growled, hopping toward her. She ducked, and he went flying into the couch. He didn't move for a few seconds. Sayuri went to check on him, but he turned around and pinned her to the floor. "Ha! Gotcha!"

Sayuri smiled, then laughed. "What are you going to do?…"

Kaite's face got a bit closer to Sayuri's. "Well, um…" 

Their faces leaned in closer and they met in a kiss. It went on for a minute, then they broke away. Sayuri smiled. "Hey, you're a pretty good kisser…" 

Kaite smiled. "Really?"

"You're gonna make some lucky girl very happy…"

Kaite frowned. "You mean?…"

"Yeah, sorry… I told you, I don't want a relationship right now…"

Kaite nodded. 

"Hey, cheer-up! Let's go out somewhere, I'll buy you an ice cream…"

~~~

Vash popped up from under the covers. "And you said you had a headache… Never seen a woman with a headache do THAT…"

Meryl smiled. "Shut up, Vash…" she said playfully.

"How about we go get some ice cream later?"

"That sounds nice…"

~~~

Milly ran to the jail to bail Wolfwood and Knives, when she happened upon a "Ice Cream and Pudding" restaurant. "Ooh!" She then ran in.

~~~

Mary and Gary walked up to the Ice Cream and Pudding Paradise (ICPP). They licked their lips, and walked in.

~~~

"Alright, so we dig?" Wolfwood asked. 

"Yeah…" Knives replied.

So they dug their way to freedom. When they reached the surface, they were in ICPP…

~~~

Vash glared at the Bluesummers twins. "You…"

Mary gave a sly smile to Vash, and suggestively licked her ice cream. "Hello there…" Meryl resisted strangling her.

Wolfwood glared at Knives. "You idiot! Your trail led into an ice cream parlor!"

"Shut up!!! Shut up, shut up!"

Milly blinked. "Nicky! Sorry, I forgot all about you!!" She then went back to eating her pudding. 

"… Hot Dog…", Gary muttered. 

Kaite and Sayuri stared at the scene before them. Sayuri spoke up. "… Wanna come back later?…"

Kaite raised an eyebrow. "Yeah…"

They then walked off into the sunset.

**Hot Dog…**

~~~

Fwee! That all for now! Bye bye!

~Hot Dog.


	9. Back to School!

Disclaimer: I do own Trigun. And I own you. And your mother…. j/k! Please dun hurt me…

A/N: Okay, back to writing! ^_^ How's it going, guys? I'm back! And I don't have school for four days! Yay! We are approaching the climax, and things will get a bit more serious… Have no fear, the humor will stay, but there will be some seriousness spread around and… stuff… Yeah… Hee hee!

~~~Kouji

~~~

****

GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Chapter 9: Back to School!

"Alright, class!" Vash yelled to the class. "As you know, we have been all working hard on the fundraiser!" 

The class pumped their fists into the air. "Yeah!"

"Let's show the upper classmen that Freshmen can win this fundraiser!"

"Yeah!"

"Let's go and--" Vash reached for the fundraising bottle, but it was gone. "Huh?!"

"No!"

"The bottle's gone!"

"No!"

"This is terrible!!! That money was going to kids in 3rd World countries!!"

Kaite raised his hand. "Vash?"

"Yes, Kaity-boy?"

"Don't call me that!"

"Yes, Master Kaite…"

"Ermmm…"

"Just kidding! So, what did you want, Kaite?"

"Well--"

Just then, Sayuri grabbed Kaite's arm, then Vash, and they all ran out into the hallway. Vash looked around. "So… What's up?" 

Sayuri smiled. "We're gonna solve the mystery!"

Vash looked at Sayuri. "…"

"Um… Mr. Stryfe?…"

"…"

"…"

Vash smiled. "What a great idea!"

"Oh! Okay!"

Kaite frowned. "But… we don't even have a clue…"

Vash glared. "I think I know who did it…"

~~~

"Mmmmerylll!!!" Milly cried. 

"… What is it, Milly?"

"I can't find the coffee machine!"

"It was moved to the Teacher's Lounge… You should know that."

"B-but… It's not in there!!"

"… What?… NO COFFEE?!!?!!"

"WAAAAAH!!! DUN HURT ME ANYMORE, MERYL!!!"

"ROAR!!!!" Meryl pounced on Milly, accidentally, ripping open the front of her blouse, revealing her bra. 

Just then, Wolfwood burst into the Office. "Milly honey! Are all---" Wolfwood looked at the scene before him. 

Both Meryl and Milly blushed as they realized their position. "Um… Nicky, this isn't what you think…"

"Milly!! How could you?!" Wolfwood said in shock. 

Meryl, still blushing, yelled at Wolfwood. "It's not what you think it is!! I got angry at the fact that all the coffee was gone and--"

"So you took out your anger by taking advantage of my poor Milly?!"

"Nooo!!! I pounced on her and it ripped."

"… So you took out your anger by beating Milly up?!"

"… You're really getting on my nerves…"

"Milly! C'mon, we're leaving!"

"But I dun wanna! You can't make me!!"

"Milly…"

"Stop making choices for me!! I can take care of myself!!"

"Milly… Listen to me…"

"What?!"

"I meant, leave to get you a new blouse, then come back…"

"What about the kids in your class?"

"That's been taken care of…"

~~~

"So… This is our new substitute teacher?…"

"Maow…"

~~~

"Mr. Knives?…" a boy with black hair and a childish face said.

"… Yes, Hasabaka?…" Knives replied, putting down his bowl of Trix.

"Er… It's Hasasuki…"

"I'll call you what I want?! Now what is it?!"

"Um… When are you gonna stop eating Trix and start teaching us?…"

"… When I good and damn feel like it!!!" He went back to his Trix when he realized it was gone. "N--"

"Um… Mr. Knives?…"

"Nn--"

"…"

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

~~~

Vash, Kaite, and Sayuri were on the ball. They were determined to find out who stole the fundraiser money. They were so focused on it, they missed Milly running through the halls almost topless, with Wolfwood covering her and Meryl in tow. They also missed Knives bursting through the halls, with murder in his eyes. They also missed 2 mysterious figures creeping through the halls. 

"Ah ha!!! A clue!!!" Vash yelled.

"What is it?!" Kaite yelled.

"Stop yelling", Sayuri started, "It's hurting my ears!"

"What's the damn clue?!" Kaite yelled.

"It's… a donut!" Vash yelled. 

"What's a donut gotta do with this?!"

"Hot Dog…" Gary said, popping out of nowhere. 

"Gah!" Vas screamed. "Where did you come from?!"

"You don't have to scream…"

"Yes I do… You and your sister are creepy! Creepy! That, and you steal from poor little kids."

"You shouldn't jump to conclusions… Vash the Stampede…"

"You're a Bluesummers… I can't trust you…"

"I don't believe that bullshit story you made up, and you will pay for what you did…"

"Believe what you want… I only did what had to be done… Trust me, I didn't want to kill him…"

"Whatever…"

Kaite growled. "Don't talk about Vash like that!!" He threw a punch at Gary, but Gary blinked and he was sent flying. Kaite hit a wall as Sayuri screamed. He flinched. Gary slowly squeezed his fist, as Kaite grabbed his chest in pain. "Grah!!.. Uh…"

Gary smiled sadistically. "I have powers way beyond my father's… I could choose whether you live…" He squeezed his fist more, as Kaite screamed in pain and blood drizzled down his mouth. "Or die…" He released his hand. Kaite panted, then passed out. 

Sayuri sat next to Kaite and listened for his heart. "It's still beating… But barely!"

Vash growled, clenching his fist. "Get him some help… Now!"

"My my… Don't you think you play a little rough, brother?…" Mary said, appearing next to Gary. She smirked, and looked to Kaite, then Vash. "A bit of a warning, Vash… Don't mess with our family…" The two then walked away, as Sayuri carried Kaite out. _Kaite… Stay strong…_

~~~

"…Where… the hell… are my Trix?!" Knives jumped through the air, and landed in a bush. "Hmm… the spider woman will be angry if she finds out I abandoned the class… Oh well!! Sacrifices must be made to find my Trix!!!"

He skipped (skipped?…) off to find where his Trix were. Little did he know, the Trix were still in the school…

~~~

"Yay!!!" Milly said, returning to the school. "My new blouse is sooooo cute!!"

"Ummm, honey…" Wolfwood started. "That's the same as the last one…"

"Yeah, but my old one is ripped, so technically, this is cuter!!"

Meryl sweat dropped. "She's gotta point there…"

**To be continued…**

~~~

And we reach the end of another chapter… To the humor fans, next chapter is all drama, with humor sprinkled around. So, be prepared for a somewhat depressing chapter… That is all….

~Kouji


	10. The Incredibly Sappy Chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun!!! GRAR!!!

A/N: And so, we reach the final 3 chapters!!! But before dwelling into this chapter and expecting a ton of yucks, I must warn you…this is NOT a humor chapter… This was originally part of chapter 9, but I got carried away and it got longer and longer… So now, I have made this chapter 10! I'm a lazy bastard! But seriously, I'm getting a little tired of all this writing… I'm running out of funny ideas, so this has been getting more and more serious… I apologize for that, you all came here for laughs, not melodrama and romance… To make up for it, next 2 chapters will be mostly humor once I get the seriousness out of my system… I have a lot of ideas I was saving for now… Trust me, this is gonna be great, come the final 2 chapters…

~~~

****

GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Chapter 10: _The Incredibly Sappy Chapter!! Huzzah!_

~~~Kaite's Home~~~

Kaite was in a bed, resting. Sayuri sighed. "Damnit, Kaite's parents are never home!!" She thought to herself. _I don't want to admit it, but I think I'm falling in love with Kaite… But… I don't want to get into another serious relation… Not after what happened last time…Please, Kaite… Wake up! I don't want to lose you…_

Kaite regained consciousness. Sayuri's eyes widened and tears welled up in her eyes. "Kaite! But…"

"Yeah, I didn't think I would wake up for a while too… But as I was resting here, I survived thinking about you… That Gary is a creep… And scary… Did he… hurt you?…"

"No… Kaite, I was so worried!!" she finally let it all out, and cried on his shoulder.

"It's… alright, Sayuri… I'm okay… But tomorrow, I'm doing my best to take those two twins out!"

"Kaite… I almost lost my best friend today… Don't do this while still injured…" 

"…This is something I have to do…"

"Look… I don't want to sound mushy, but… I love you!…"

"… You do?…"

"It wasn't until after we had kissed… I somehow felt… whole…"

"I love you too… But I have to do this before they hurt anyone else!"

"Then… please…" Sayuri said, edging toward the bed. "Let me stay with you tonight… Just in case…" Kaite invited her to the bed. She slowly got in. They kissed passionately. Sayuri cried, realizing that this might be the last time she got to spend with him. 

Kaite brushed a few tears away. "Don't cry, my angel…"

"Kaite… please… I need you… make love to me…"

Kaite blushed. "But…"

"No buts… I need you now!" Sayuri pounced on Kaite.

"Ow!!!" Kaite flinched. "I was badly wounded today!!"

"Oops… Sorry…"

"S'okay… Look, do you really wanna do this?"

"You wanna know what really happened that one night on the couch?…"

"Eh?!" Kaite gasped.

"You thought that 'clothes were wet' story was true?! It wasn't even raining!"

"Urp?! You mean--?!"

"Yep! I got you drunk and did you!"

"Isn't that sort of rape?!"

Sayuri smirked. "Hey, you can't rape the willing…"

"Well, I guess you're right…" Kaite blushed. 

"Well…"

"Well, the romantic moment was kinda ruined…"

"Yeah…"

The two then hopped under the covers and---

~~~

"Vash!!!" Meryl began. 

Vash turned to Meryl. School was over and everyone was back home.

"You can't do this!! It's crazy!!"

"… Am I crazy, Meryl?… I'm not the one that stole from poor little kids in some 3rd World country, then almost killed a student!"

"… I meant facing the Bluesummers twins…"

"… Oh… Well, I have to face them!"

"But you might die!!"

"They'd kill me anyway!!"

"But… Vash…."

"… Meryl?…"

"Belch!" Knives burped. "T'was good meatloaf…"

Vash and Meryl glared at Knives. 

"What?! Geez, I finally say something nice…"

Meryl looked back to Vash. "Vash, you will do me now…"

"What?!" Vash screamed. "Here?!"

"Not now, but tonight!… This might be the last time I see you…"

"Oh, Meryl…"

"Vash…"

"Pudding!!" Milly said happily. "I finally got some more pudding!!"

"Honey", Wolfwood began. "Let them have their cute moment…"

Vash and Meryl sighed. "Too late, the mood's been ruined…" Vash carried Meryl to their room and---

~~~

~~~The next morning!~~~

Kaite awoke the next morning. "Argh, my body is aching…" He looked to Sayuri's sleeping form. "But it was worth it… I'll probably never see her again…" He sighed, then shook Sayuri awake. 

Sayuri yawned. "Huh?…"

"It's… time for me to go…"

"Noo…"

"I'm sorry… I love you…"

"I love you too…"

Kaite prepared his arsenal. Meanwhile, Vash was also preparing.

~~~

"Vash!!! Don't go!!!" Meryl cried.

"I'm… sorry… This is something I have to do… If we run, they will haunt me for the rest of my life… I can't live like that…"

Meryl slowly nodded. "I… understand… I love you, Vash!"

"I love you too, Meryl…"

Vash prepared **his **arsenal. He put on his new red coat, a gift from Meryl. She had worked on it through the early morning. Vash had a grim look on his face. He walked out the door, and tripped. He fell on his face. Knives laughed. He then had his Trix taken away. Knives cried.

Meryl, Milly, Wolfwood, Knives, and Vash all hopped in the Jeep. As they rode to the school, they sadly realized that this would be the last time they would all be together like this…

~~~

The school day went normal. Wolfwood was attacked by girls. Vash made a fool of himself. Knives scared his class. The day went quite, quite normal… Even Gary and Mary didn't do anything… If the twins didn't do anything wrong that day, the fight would be delayed… But… the twins had other ideas in mind… But one must ask, what exactly was Legato like before meeting Knives?… Was he as great a man as the twins say?… 

****

To be continued…

~~~

*Gag* I can't believe I wrote that sap!!! Please, don't be too harsh… I just needed to get that outta my system… Final two chapters will be funny, promise!! ;_; (But there **will** be drama… I need to explain a ton of things and get all the dramatic plot points I brought up to a close!!! But then, it will be humor all the way!!! I promise!!!)

~Kouji (Dun hurt me!!!)


	11. The Great Decisive Battle! Part 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun!!!!! R0xx0r$!!!!11!11!! I also do not own anything I mention in here except, Sayuri, Mackenzie, Mary, and Gary. And even Mary Sue and Gary Stu aren't completely mine. They're based off of Original Characters who are better than some of the characters in the actual show! They are perfect and bleh… I hate them.

A/N: And we are winding down to the final 3!! I like writing and all, but sadly to say, I'm getting sick of this story. There are other projects I want to work on! I'm thinking of creating a new system… I write a chapter to a story once a week, and juggle different stories each day. An example would be: Monday I write a chapter to GTE, then another day I write one of my future projects. This way, I can write multiple stories without getting tired of them… Moo. Anyway, I am NOT writing a sequel. I don't wanna drag this story out any more than I have.

~Kouji

~~~

****

GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Chapter 11: The Great Decisive Battle!! (Part 1)

The City of Augusta. It was rebuilt after the incident with Vash's Angel Arm. That's important, though. What is important is that Mary Sue is constantly giving Vash an innocent look, as Vash glares at her. 

"Stop that!" Vash finally yelled. The class looked up from their books to Vash. He blushed. Mackenzie squealed. "He's so cute when he blushes!! Makes me wanna pull down his pants and take his--"

"Mackenzie!!" Vash yelled in surprise. 

"Yes, Great Teacher Vash?…"

"Ermm… That's not appropriate for class…"

"Oh, I see…. Save it for after class…"

Vash sighed. Suddenly, Gary stood up. Vash brought out his gun. The class gasped. "Sit!!!"

Gary raised an eyebrow. "But Vash, I was only asking to go o the bathroom…"

"Never!!!! You can just wet your pants!! And don't you dare call me Vash!! You may address me as 'Mr. Stryfe'!!"

Gary smiled slyly. "There's no need to get violent."

"You have no right to call ME violent!! After what you did to Kaite…" He looked to Kaite's empty desk. He also noticed that Sayuri's desk was empty. 

"I'm right here, Teach…" Kaite said, appearing in the doorway with Sayuri. They were holding hands. Vash smiled.

"Kaite! you're okay!"

"Yep…"

Gary gave a look of hate to Vash. "And you have no right… To have killed my father…"

~10 years ago…~

"_My father was a great man… Our mother, from which we got our looks from, died that year… Our father did his best to support 2 children… He always spoiled us whenever he could…" _

A man with short, blue hair, and yellow eyes smiled at his two children. "Mary! Gary! I am home!"

Two children ran up to the man known as Legato. "Papa!" they cried out in joy.

Legato smiled. "My children, I have gifts for you!"

__

"But then, we lost everything in a fire. Our insurance couldn't cover the damages, so we were on the streets. Our father worked hard day and night, giving up his free time to give us a better life. One day, 3 years ago, he met with a mysterious man. He promised father that if he worked for him, obeying **every** order, he could give us a better life… All he had to do was replace his arm with the arm of Vash the Stampede, and we never saw him alive again… We found out he had been killed…Your brother, Knives had told us how **you** had killed him… How our father begged for mercy, but you killed him. He had tried to make our lives better, and you **killed **him."

~.~

Vash growled. "None of that's true!! Your father may have been trying to give you a better life, but what he was doing was wrong!"

All of a sudden, Knives burst into the room. "Where the hell are my Trix?!"

Mary reached under her skirt and pulled out a bowl of Trix. "Looking for these?"

Knives's eyes widened. "Where did you get those?! Gimme!!!"

Mary gave a sexy smile, which made 95% of the boys, and even a few girls in the class melt. "You want them? You want some of these Trix?…"

"Yes!!! I want them, give them to me!!!"

"Well, then… Kill Vash the Stampede, and I'll see what we can do…"

Vash smirked. "Ha! My brother isn't gonna fall for that! Right Kni--"

Knives got a weird look on his face. "Must kill Vash the Stampede!!! Need Trix!!!" He then brought out his gun and pointed it at Vash.

"… Okay, maybe not!!!" He then ran, despite having a loaded gun. Knives chased him down the halls. "Who the hell gave Knives a gun?!" 

Wolfwood peaked from his class. "What?! The bastard must've stolen it from me and Milly's room!! I brought both your guns when I found them!!" He then looked behind him. "Hey! Gimme back my shirt!!"

~~~

In the class, Kaite brought out two guns and pointed them at Mary and Gary. "Alright, don't move!"

Mary and Gary smiled at each other and pointed their guns at him. Gary spoke up. "Funny."

"What the hell's so funny?…" Kaite snarled.

"You think you can take us on?"

"Of course… I learned a few moves from Vash…"

"Heh, that's hilarious… Cuz we're just as good if not better than Vash…"

Kaite suddenly froze up. He remembered Gary's horrible powers. He shivered. 

Mary grinned. "Awww, little Kaite's scared…" She then walked over to Kaite. "Little boys shouldn't play with guns…" She then kissed him on the lips and licked him on the cheek. Kaite's eyes widened. He dropped the gun.

Sayuri glared. "Oh hell no… I don't care if you're the daughter of a psychopath… No one kisses my boyfriend but me!" She then pulls on Mary's hair, brings her in front of herself and bitch slaps Mary. The room is silent.

~~~

"Vashie-boy!! I'm coming after you!!!" Knives yells, still chasing Vash. Vash pants, getting tired of all the running. He sighs, then stops. Knives also stops running. "So, decided to succumb to your fate?…"

"Fate?" Vash says, raising an eyebrow. "You need therapy…" Vash then unexpectedly shoots Knives in the arm. 

"…" Knives stares at the wound. He then looks at Vash.

"Uh oh…" Vash gulps.

"…" Knives gets a hateful look in his eye, which then turns into a whimpering look. His lip trembles, and he gets tears in his eyes. "… WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You shot me in the arm!!!! I want my mommy!!!!" Knives then dropped his gun, sat on the ground, and whimpered. He looked at his wound. Vash sighed, then picked up Knives gun. He reluctantly left the crying Knives there. 

"History sadly repeats itself, it seems…" He then went back to his class.

~~~

"Bitch!" Sayuri screamed, slapping Mary in the face. She currently had a hold of Mary's long, golden, flowing locks.

"Slut!" Mary also screamed, smacking Sayuri in the face. She had a hold Sayuri's hair. 

"Psycho!" SLAP!

"Tomboy!" SMACK!

"Licker Girl!" SLAP!

"Whore!" SMACK!

"Wow, this is pretty hot…" Kaite said, grabbing a bowl of popcorn. He motioned to Gary. "Want some?"

Gary laughed. "Sure…" He grabbed a handful and ate it.

"Y'know, you're pretty cool when you're acting all crazy and evil…"

"Yeah… Our only beef's with Vash and anyone who gets in our way…" He glared at Kaite and picked up his gun. "Which you are…"

"Yeah…" Kaite picked up his gun. "And I can't forgive you for almost killing me…" They both aimed at each other. "We have a score to settle…"

Gary smiled. "That we do…"

The others stared. A few others were watching the 'Bitch Slap Fight'.

Vash ran into the room. "Sorry I'm late!!" Behind him were Meryl, Milly, Wolfwood, and a whimpering Knives. They were all armed, save for Knives. 

Sayuri looked to Mary. "What the hell am I doing?!" She then punched Mary, knocking her out.

Gary looked to Vash. "Die, Vashu!"

"Huh?!" Vash yelled. 

Then, without warning, Gary shot at Vash. Meryl started to run in front of Vash, but someone beat her. That someone was Mackenzie. Everyone looked in shock as Mackenzie fell to the floor, bleeding. 

"Mackenzie!!" Vash went to her side. "Damnit… Why'd you do that?!"

Mackenzie smiled at Vash weakly and said, "Because… I truly do love you, even if your heart goes to someone else…"

"Mackenzie… You're gonna be alright…"

"Of course I am… He only got my arm…"

"Eh? Oh, okay… Could someone get her to a hospital?…"

A random student raises his hand. His name is Kei. "I will…" He then picks up Mackenzie and carries her off.

Vash turns to Gary. "Alright, time for you to pay… You almost killed one of my students…"

Gary glared. "Not my fault the stupid bitch got in the way…"

"… That's it!!!" Vash ran towards Gary, but Gary raised a hand and Vash was sent flying. Gary disappeared. 

"Huh?!" Kaite started. "Where'd he go?!"

Gary reappeared next to Sayuri, picked her up and jumped out the window, levitating. 

"Noooo!!!" Sayuri yelled. "I don't want to be a stereotypical 'damsel-in- distress'!!! Help me, Kaite!!!" She quickly covered her mouth. "Damn, it's already starting!!"

"Vash… Kaite…" Gary started. "I will be in the ruins of Old Augusta… Meet me there in 24 hours, or Sayuri dies…" He then disappeared again.

"Sayuri!!!" Kaite screamed, falling to his knees. He then got back up. "Oh well, let's go rescue her."

"Wait…" Mary said, getting up. "I can… Help you…"

"Huh?!" everyone else said in unison.

**_To be continued…_**

~~~

Whoo!!! Things are starting to wrap up!!! There are only 2 chapters left, and the climax of the story is next chapter! I'll see you there!! This is Kouji, signing off!


	12. The Great Decisive Battle! Part 2

Disclaimer: Blah. You die now. Ha ha ha. Me no own Trigun. Ha ha ha. Me no own any of the anime mentioned in here…

A/N: We arrive at the final 2 chapters… The climax is here! Next chapter will just be the aftermath and conclusion to this story. It's been fun, but all good things must come to an end. Thanks to a certain someone, *cough* I learned that there were several misspellings and typos throughout the story. These will be looked over and corrected later. The ending of this chapter will either tick you off or make you cheer. Depends on your preference. Anyway, on to the battle!

~Kouji

~~~

****

GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Chapter 12: _The Great Decisive Battle! (Part 2)_

"Huh?!" everyone said in unison.

"I said, I can help you…" Mary said, getting up.

Vash glared. "Why should we trust you?…"

"Because… I believe your story… I did from the beginning… Father had been acting… Very strangely those last few days we saw him…"

"Then why have you been trying to kill me?!"

"Because… My brother scares me… If I don't agree with him, he hurts me…"

"So Gary is the brains of the operation?… I thought you were the leader…"

"No…"

"I want those Trix, then!!!" Knives yelled. 

"Knives…" Vash growled. "This isn't the time…"

"Anytime is time for Trix!!" Knives said, but was then hit in the head.

"Knives…" Kaite started. "Not now… We've gotta stop Gary…"

Vash looked at the horizon. "Well, let's get prepared…"

~~~

Meanwhile, at an old warehouse in Old Augusta, an unconscious Sayuri was waking up. Gary looked over to her. "Ah, so you're awake! Good!" 

"What do you plan to do to me?!" Sayuri yelled.

"… Excuse me?… You actually expect me to tell you?…"

"Well… yeah…"

"No."

"Yeah."

"No."

"Yeah."

"No."

"Yeah."

"No."

"Yeah."

"No."

"Yeah."

"No."

"Yeah."

"No."

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Ye--What?!"

"I don't see the harm, seeing as you are tied up…"

"Ah…"

Gary turned to a mini laboratory. "You see, I am also a great Chemist!"

"Eh?"

"I've been working on some different formulas, and I tested one on you."

"What?! What is it, poison?!"

"No…"

"Acid??!!"

"Nope…"

"Pudding?!!!!?"

"Um, hell no…"

"Then what is it?!"

"A horny drug!"

"A… what?…"

"Makes anyone want to--"

"How could you?!"

"Cuz you're hot…"

"So now…"

"In a few moments, you will be incredibly hor--"

"Grah!! Damn you!!!"

"Aww, don't be that way… I've been told I'm marvelous in b--"

"When Kaite gets here, he is gonna kill you!!!"

"Bah, I will kill HIM…"

"Whatever…" Sayuri sighed. She then started to feel very warm. "Um…"

Gary grinned. "Ah, it is beginning to take effect…" He began to take off his shirt.

"No… must… fight it…"

"You cannot resist… I made sure of it…"

"Nooo…"

"Heh heh…"

"… Gary?…"

"Yes?…"

"I want you…"

"It's about time!!!" He untied Sayuri. They then hopped into a nearby bed and--

~~~

Vash looked at the warehouse. "Well, we're here…" He looked at his small 'army'. Meryl, Milly, Wolfwood, Knives, Kaite, Mary, and the rest of the class. "Alright, let's go…" 

Kaite walked up to Vash. "Vash?…" 

Vash looked to Kaite. "Yes, Kaite?…"

"I want to rescue Sayuri myself…"

"No, I ca--"

"I want to at least try… If I don't come back in half an hour, come get me…"

"… Fine, then… You're in love, I can't stop you…"

"Thanks, Vash…" Kaite then snuck into the warehouse…

~~~

When Kaite reached the middle of the warehouse, he saw a horrible sight. He gritted his teeth. Gary and Sayuri were in bed… 

Gary smiled. "So, how was that?…"

Sayuri glared. "Horrible…"

Kaite smiled. _That's my girl…_  


Gary choked. "What?!"

Sayuri grinned evilly. "Kaite was much better… He was also **bigger**…"

Gary's eyes widened. "No… It can't be!!! I've been outdone by an actual character?! No!!!" He then gathered up his clothes, whimpering, and ran off. 

Kaite smiled and ran over to Sayuri. "Sayuri!! I'm here!!!"

"Kaite! I'm so sorry I did what I did, he drugged me and--"

"It's okay…"

"Really?…"

"Yes…"

"Okay… But Kaite?…"

"Yes?…"

"I'm still so horny…"

"Erk!! Oro?!"

Sayuri pulled Kaite into the bed and--

~~~

Vash looked at his watch. "… It's been more than 30 minutes… Let's g--"

"Going somewhere, Vash the Stampede?…" Gary said, walking over to Vash.

"Gary…" Vash pulled out his gun.

"Vash…" Gary pulled out his gun.

"Gary…"

"Vash…"

"Heh, Gary…"

"Heh, Vash…"

"… When are we actually gonna shoot?…"

"I dunno…"

"Fine then, I'll start…" Vash shot 3 rounds at Gary. Gary dodged, and got hit by one. He hid behind a rock and shot at Vash four times. They all got their target. 

"Gah!!" Vash fell to the ground. "Ow!! Meanie!!"

"Just die!!!"

"No!"

"Die!"

"No!"

"Die!"

"No!"

"Die!"

"No!"

"Die!"

Vash shot at Gary, and it hit him in the chest. Gary fell to the ground. He didn't get up. Vash smiled. He looked to the others, smiled, and turned to Mary Sue. "Now, you are free…"

Mary Sue stuttered. "R-really?…"

Vash nodded. "Yes… You can start a new life… Maybe if Meryl doesn't mind, we can adopt you!" He looked to Meryl. She smiled and nodded.

Mary looked at the ground, then looked at Vash. "That would be… Nice…" Mary Sue then smiled. It was a sincere smile, the first time she ever really smiled in years. But then, there was a gunshot, and the smile turned into a look of shock. Her eyes widened, and she fell. Vash caught her, and gasped as he saw a bullet hole in her back. He looked ahead to see an angry Gary. 

"Bitch!! How dare you betray me and father's honor?! Die like the rest of them shall!!!"

Vash looked to Mary. "Mary! Don't die!!"

Mary smiled at Vash. "It's… Okay… I probably deserve this for following my brother, and all the things I did…"

"No… Everyone deserves a second chance…"

"Do you think… that if things had turned out differently… I could have had a family again?…"

"Yes…"

Mary smiled for the last time. Vash gently put her down. He then reloaded his gun and pointed it at Gary. "Now I have no choice… You have to die…"

"Yes, try to kill me… Just like you killed father…" He glared at Vash. "Actually… Let's play a game…"  


"A game?…" Vash raised an eyebrow.

"Yes…" Gary raised his hand, and a hole opened up in the sky. 

"What the hell is that?!"

"It's my Hot Dog hole!!"

"Eh?…" Vash was then sucked into the hole.

~~~

"Gah…" Vash said, opening his eyes. "Where am I?…" He looked around. He then saw a box of donuts. He ran to them happily. "Yay!" Suddenly, a Chibi Knives took the box of donuts. "Eh?…" 

Chibi-Knives looked at Vash. "Bwahaha!!! I want Trix…"

Then, a Chibi Meryl and a Chibi Mackenzie ran in and hopped on Vash. Thay then began tugging on his arms. 

"He's mine!" C-Meryl yelled, pulling on Vash's right arm.

"No, mine!!!" C-Mackenzie screamed, pulling on Vash's left arm.

"Gah!!" Vash started. "Stop it!!"

Suddenly, both his arms popped off. Vash screamed. "Ahhhh!!! My arms!!"

"Oops…" both Chibi girls said. "Sowwy…"

All of a sudden, his arms grew back. "Er…"

Then, Gary appeared on a tree. "Hello, Vashu…"

"Stop calling me that!!"

"Now, we play our game… Or should I say, games?…"

"What are you talking about?…"

"We will travel to several different worlds, and fight in their style…"

The Hot Dog hole opened again, and Vash and Gary were sucked in.

~~~

Vash suddenly appeared in a Yukata. (Samurai garb…) He had a sword, but the blade was reversed. He looked at Gary, also in Yukata, who had a flaming sword and bandages on him. 

Vash looked at Gary. "What happened to you?!"

"… Roar… I am strong. You are weak… Die." Gary then jumped at Vash, sword drawn.

"Grah!" Vash screamed. He grabbed his sword. "Lovvu-Peesu-Donut Style!!!" He then drew his sword, and slashed at Gary, hitting him directly. "PuddingHotDogTrix!!!"

"Argh!! I am weak!!!" Gary started. "I die!!!" He fell to the ground. The Hot Dog hole then sent them to another world.

~~~

Vash all of a sudden appeared in a mech. He was is a red suit. "What?…" Instinctively, he yelled out. "Big Do! Showtime!!!" The mech began stomping around the city they were in, smashing buildings. Vash looked below at the city. "Sorry!!" 

He saw Meryl, but she looked pale. It was an android of her. She frowned. "Vash Smith, you are a mouse…"

"A mouse?…" Vash raised an eyebrow. 

Suddenly, Gary showed up in a shiny mech. "Big Perfect! Showtime!!" He punched Big Do, knocking it's arm off.

"Hey!!!" Vash yelled. He pushed a few buttons, and pulled some levers. A robotic voice screeched. "Warning! Self-destruct sequence activated!" BOOM!!!

The Hot Dog hole took them somewhere else…

~~~

"Pikachu!!!" Vash yelled. He was wearing weird, outdated clothes. "Thunderbolt!!" Pikachu shocked Gary's NidoKing. 

~~~

"Goku, what am I ever gonna use the Spirit bomb for, anyway?…"

"Die, Vashurot!!!"

~~~

"Amidamadumramaru!! Spirit form!!!"

"Cow!! Spirit form!!!"

~~~

Suddenly, the Hot Dog hole dropped Vash and Gary in their own world. Vash stood up. He took a deep breath. He stared at the sky. He then stared at Gary. "… What the hell was that?!"

"I don't know… Do **_NOT_** let me do that again…" 

"Okay…" Vash then shot Gary in the legs. 

"Ow!! Bastard!!! I wasn't ready!!! That wasn't fair!!!"

"So?"

"You're mean!!!"

"I'm mean?! You killed your own sister!"

"So?! She betrayed me!!!"

"You are stuck thinking that I killed your father in cold blood!!"

"So?!"

"So?!"

"Umm…"

Gary then stared crying.

"Um…" Vash then smacked his head. "Duh! Here's my chance!!! I gotta use that technique that Goku guy taught me! The Spirit Bomb!"

Suddenly, a tiny machine rolled by. It blew a hole into the ground. Vash smiled. "Awesome! A plot hole!" He reached down the hole, and pulled out a cookie. He then ate it. He thought for a moment. "With this plot hole, I hearby remodify the Spirit Bomb into the Donut Bomb!!" He then raised his hands. "People of the world, clap your hands!!!"

Suddenly, using what's left of the plot hole, Vash somehow relayed the message to the entire planet. Pretty soon, Meryl, Milly, Wolfwood, Knives, and the class clapped their hands. In the hospital, Mackenzie clapped her hands. Outside, Kei clapped his hands. In the bed in the warehouse, Kaite and Sayuri clapped their hands. In several cities, Frank Marlon, the survivors of Sky City, Benson, the Nebraska family, and everyone Vash met in his adventures clapped their hands. 

Finally, the Donut Bomb was complete. It was wondrous and… donut-y… Vash, who was now mysteriously shirtless, glared at Gary. "It's oveeeeeeer, Gaaaryyyyy!!!!" He then tossed the bomb at Gary. Gary then rolled out of the way. 

"Ha!!! Too bad!!!" Gary yelled. "Ha ha ha!!!"

The Donut Bomb then went towards Jin. He heard Vash's voice in his head. _Jin! Ya gotta hit it back!!!_ Jin then hit the Donut Bomb back. Gary dodged again. Vash hit it at Gary. He dodged again.

"Damnit, Gary!!" Vash yelled. "Stop dodging!!" 

It then went to Meryl. She hit it back, Gary dodged. Then Vash hit it back. Gary dodged. Milly. Dodge. Vash. Dodge. Wolfwood. Dodge. Vash. 

Finally, Gary was too tired to dodge. It hit him dead on. "Grah!!! Nooo!!! Daddy!!!! Hot Dog!!!!" Gary was knocked unconscious.

Vash, exhausted from the day, fell to the ground. Meryl ran towards him. "Vash!!!"

~~~

One hour later, Vash resigned his position as teacher. 

__

La la la...

Underneath the blue sky, the wind blows toward the future,

as if embracing the rays of the sun.

Merely wandering along,

I leave behind only a trail of footsteps.

"Vash…" Meryl started. "Do you really want to do this? You were doing so well…"

Vash nodded. "Yes… I almost had a student killed, and several people died…"

"Alright then…"

Vash then picked up Gary, put him over his shoulder, and left the area…

__

As long as there's a breeze brushing my cheek & grass to lie in

I don't need anything else, and I'll smile with satisfaction.

Sleeping, gazing at

the never-ending future...

La la la...

~~~

A week past, and more teachers were scared away by Kite and the class. Meryl sighed. "If only Vash were here…"

Milly walked in. "Meryl, I miss Mr. Vash already!"

"I know… He's been really busy trying to rehabilitate Gary…"

Knives burst in. He opened his mouth, but was interrupted by Meryl. "No, we don't have your Trix…"

~~~

The English class was sad. They missed Vash, "Great Teacher Ericks", the cool guy… They didn't want a new teacher… So they all decided to eat bananas until he came back. Realizing that wasn't doing anything, they begged and pleaded. Realizing that wasn't doing anything, they protested. They were then hit with firefighter hoses and attacked with dogs. 

__

I can hear the sound of waves, touching my heart,

selfishly aimless, like drops of rain.

The setting sun quietly reassures itself of everything,

then sinks into the distant sea, as if giving it a kiss.

Wandering towards

the dream of a never-ending future.

One day, after a month, a boy with blonde hair walked into the class. It was Gary. "Hi, I'm back…" 

Then, Vash walked in. "And he's good!"

Kaite brightened up. "It's Vash!!"

The class cheered, and jumped at him. He laughed. Gary smiled. It was a real smile. 

__

Na…nanana… nanana… na na na! Na! Na! Na! Na! (Dur dur dur! Dur dur dur! Dur dur dur ding! Tong ting tong tong!…)

**__**

To Be Concluded…

~~~

I… was really disappointed with this chapter… Oh well, I'll try better next story… But there is still one more chapter! Here are a few words from Vash:

Vash: Things change… Lots of things change… Boys become men, girls become women, and lobsters you leave in the back of the fridge will mutate and come back to kill you… Anyway, friends will return, peace will return, and things will change drastically… But will it be changed for the better?… Meet us in the final installment of "Great Teacher Ericks", _The New Ending is Our New Beginning._


	13. The New Ending is Our New Begining! Fare...

Disclaimer: Me no own Trigun… Oh, and Jin is based off mah best friend… He begged me to put him in here… =P

A/N: And here we are… The final chapter. It's been a long and winding road, but we have finally arrived… Hard to believe it's only been… about 2 weeks or so since I started this project. It seems like longer for some reason… Well anyway, like I said, this is the last chapter… Maybe everything will be wrapped up, maybe it won't… Who knows? I just wanna end this now… However, this story will be in my heart as my favorite stories written by me. This is one of the only stories that I would come back to read again that was written by me. Well, I just want to thank you all for joining me on this crazy trip… Sayonara, my friends… (Stay tuned after the story for some final words!)

~Kouji

~~~

****

GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Final Chapter 13: _The New Ending is Our New Beginning! _

Farewell for Now, Great Teacher Ericks!

One year has passed. It is summer break. Everyone is relaxing. Vash is currently teaching his second year as teacher. Everyone is reuniting for a picnic…

Kaite and Sayuri smile as they arrive. Kaite is wearing a black sleeveless shirt, black pants, and black shoes. Sayuri has cut her hair. It now goes to her ears. She is wearing a light blue shirt, white pants, and light blue shoes. "Hello, Vash!" Kaite says happily. "How's it going?"

Vash looks at Kaite. "Oh, I'm doing fine… You?…" Vash is wearing his 'Ericks' outfit, and Meryl is wearing her usual outfit.

"Same." Kaite and Sayuri sit on the ground. "I heard you and Meryl are expecting?"

"Heh… I guess secrets can't be kept… The baby is due in 2 months…"

Gary smiles slightly. He had been adopted by Vash and Meryl. "I hope I can be a better brother this time…" He looked at the ground sadly.

Vash patted Gary on the back. "It's alright… You were blinded by anger…"

"I… I killed her…"

Vash brightened up. "Hey, Wolfwood! What about those Dragon Balls that brought you back?! We can use them to bring back the people killed!"

Wolfwood looked to Vash. He was wearing his usual clothes. "Well… After use, they split up to 7 corners of the Earth and turn into stone for a year."

"Well, it's been a year, so all we have to do is find them!"

"Don't you think that will be kind of hard?…"

Milly smiled. She was eating pudding and wearing her usual clothes. "What about Mr. Knives?…"

Vash looked to Milly. "Huh?…"

"He eats so many Trix, that he has become a living Dragon Ball Radar!" Milly then clonked Knives on the head, and his eyes become a screen, displaying where the Dragon Balls were.

Wolfwood blinked. "Well I'll be damned… Milly honey, you are a certified genius!!" He then sweat dropped as she went back to eating pudding, smiling. "Even if you don't show it all the time…"

~~~

So, the search for the Dragon Balls began! They all hopped in Vash's new mini-van, and set off for a new adventure. Knives was fed tons of Trix to keep him going as the 'radar'. They traveled the entire planet.

"So, let's see…" Vash said. They were in the middle of Old Augusta's ruins. "According to the radar, there is a Dragon Ball right in the spot we're standing in…" He looked around, nothing.

"But… I don't see it…" Meryl said, also looking around.

Wolfwood laughed. "Think for a moment… We're in a bunch of ruins… What you may think is the ground, was actually a building!"

Sayuri gasped. "Oh!" She then dug around the rubble. Frowning, she dived in. Kaite raised an eyebrow. A few minutes later, Sayuri popped up with the 4-Star Dragon Ball. "Is this it?"

Wolfwood laughed. "Kaite, that is one girlfriend ya got there! Yes Sayuri, that's it!"

Kaite smiled and hugged her. "That's my girl…"

Sayuri put a hand on her hip and held the Dragon Ball in the air. "Ha ha!" She then kissed Kaite on the lips. "And don't you forget it!"

Vash smiled. "Alright! Let's go find the next one!!!"

Everyone hopped into the mini-van. They rode off to the location of the next Dragon Ball. Knives was still being fed Trix. 

They arrived in a random desert. They all looked around. Meryl frowned. "A sandstorm is coming…"

Vash also frowned. "You're right… We should come back to this location later…"

"No…"

"Huh?…"

"I'm going to find it… You all stay in the van…"

"Meryl… I cannot let you do that…"

"Vash, I am tired of just standing here, looking pretty! I wanna do something in this story!" As Meryl said this, the fourth wall cracked slightly. 

"Shhh!! You're going to break the fourth wall!!! Besides, you were a Principal!!"

"I don't care!!! I wanna do something!!!"

"… Fine then… But be careful… Especially with the baby…" Vash then kissed Meryl. She kissed him back, and walked right into the storm. Everyone else gathered into the van, and waited. It was silent…

Knives, now in normal mode, spoke up. "So, how long until you think she gets lost and croaks?" He was bashed in the head by Wolfwood. 

"That'll be enough of that!!" Wolfwood snarled. Knives growled.

After almost an hour, there was a knock at the door. They opened it, and Meryl was standing there, covered in sand and holding the 7-Star Dragon Ball. Vash smiled. "Meryl!!! You did it!!!"

Meryl came into the van and smiled. "Yep…"

Knives was cocked back into 'radar' mode, and they searched for the rest of the Dragon Balls.

~~~

After a day or so, they found all but one. And that was the One-Star Dragon Ball. They searched high and low, they didn't know where to go. They had to double-back, my friends… [1] Er, sorry… Anyway, they arrived back in New Augusta. They sighed sadly.

"We were so close…" Vash said sadly.

"I don't understand…" Milly started. "The radar says that the ball is here in the city, but we've searched everywhere, even our own houses!"

"I think I'll go home and shine my sphere with the star on it…" Vash said. "Come on, Meryl… Let's go home…"

Wolfwood raised an eyebrow. "Vash?"

"Yes, Nicky?…"

"Don't call me that! Only Milly can call me that!"

"Blah…"

"Anyway, your sphere wouldn't happen to look like all these Dragon Balls, would they?…" He motioned to the six Dragon Balls they had.

"Um…" Vash started nervously, realizing his error. "Yeah?…"

The group then gave him an angry look, took a deep breath, and at the same time, (sans Knives) all said… "Needle Noggin!!!" They all then laughed and went to retrieve the final Dragon Ball.

~~~

Vash, Knives, Wolfwood, and Kaite set the Dragon Balls on the ground. As Vash set down the final one, Milly walked up to them. The Dragon Balls began to glow. She took a deep breath, and said the magic words. "… Could I get some pudding first?…" Everyone face faulted. 

Wolfwood quickly jumped up. "Milly, you can have all the pudding you want when we get home… Just summon the Eternal Dragon!!"

Milly turned to Wolfwood. "Not if you're gonna be so rude, Nicky-poo!"

Wolfwood blushed as everyone else laughed. 

Vash fell to the ground laughing. "Do as she says, 'Nicky-poo!' AH HA HA HA HA!!!"

"Grrr…" Wolfwood growled, then turned to Vash. "Shut up!" He then looked back to Milly. "Please, honey?…"

Milly thought for a moment, then smiled. "Okay!" She then turned back to the Dragn Balls, then waved her hands over the magic giant pearls. "Arise, Shenlong/Shenron!"

"Eh?…" Everyone else said.

"He has many names…" Milly explained. Suddenly, the Dragon Balls glowed even more, and the Eternal Dragon arose!!!! Hurrah!!! … Sorry… The Dragon was a sight to behold. It frightened everyone except Milly. Even Knives felt a chill. 

The Dragon spoke. "… You have disturbed my Poker Game with my homies… Explain yourself!!! Before I eat you, RAH!!!!"

"AHHHH!!!! Don't eat us, dragon!!!" Vash screamed, hiding behind Meryl.

Meryl sighed. "… And I married him, why?…"

The dragon saw Milly. "Oh! It's you again! … Sup?"

Milly raised two of her fingers. "Peace… We need to make a wish, Mr. Dragon! Can you please help us?" Milly begged, making a cute, sad face.

"You know I can't say no to that face…" the dragon sighed. "State your wish…"

Milly smiled. "Thank you! Could you please bring everyone who was killed by Gary Stu back to life, but put Brilliant Dynamites Neon in prison?"

The dragon thought for a moment. He then farted. "Oh, excuse me… It has been done! Farewell…" The Dragon Balls then rose into the air, and split to the seven corners of the planet once again.

"Hey, wait!!" Vash yelled. "Where is everyone!!?? You lied!!!"

"Um…" Meryl began. "Mr. Vash?"

"Why did you lie?!"

"Mr. Vash?…"

"WHHHYYYY??!!"

"Excuse me?…"

"WHH--" Vash was then conked on the head by Milly. "Ow…"

Milly then lowered her fist. "Sorry! I just had to tell you that whenever someone is brought back with the Dragon Balls, they appear in the place that they died!"

"Huh? Really?!"

Wolfwood nodded, then laughed. "I appeared in that church I died in…"

Vash thought for a few seconds. "Then that means… Mary is in Old Augusta!"

They all once again hopped into the mini-van, and headed back to Old Augusta.

~~~  


Mary slowly opened her eyes. She slowly stood up, and looked at her surroundings. "I'm… alive?…" She looked around for the others, but they were not there. "They… they left me here?… How could they…"

Suddenly, a van rode up to her. Gary popped out and hugged her. Mary blinked in surprise. Gary hadn't hugged her in years. She slowly hugged back.

"Oh, sis!" Gary cried. "I'm so sorry… What I did was wrong…"

"It's… okay…" Mary said unsurely. "Although I am not sure what you did exactly…"

Vash smiled. "You were gone, so we brought you back with the Dragon Balls!"

Mary's eyes widened. "Oh! That poor dragon…"

"Um, not those kind…"

~~~

Vash set up the camera. "Everyone ready?" 

The whole group was getting ready for a picture. "Ready!"

Vash set the timer, then ran to the group. "Everyone say Hot Dog!"

"Hot Dog!" CLICK.

~~~

Mary laughed, then looked at the Photo of the group that was labeled 'My New Family', before closing the Photo Album. It had been half a year since she was revived. She got up from the chair she was sitting in, and went into the living room. She began to creep towards the door.

Vash looked over to her. "Mary!"

Mary flinched. "Yes, dad?…"

"Gary is doing errands, so I need you to look after your little brother, Vish. I have to go pick up your mother from the store."

"But dad… I was gonna go meet Jin and my other friends…"

"Heh… Hanging out with sophomores?…"

"Not my fault I died for a year…"

"I'm sorry… It will only be a couple of minutes…" Vash then handed Vish to Mary. 

"Goo…" Vish mumbled. He had a bit of blonde hair, and gray eyes, like his mother. He was in a red t-shirt and a diaper. He then drooled on Mary's shirt and tugged on her hair.

"Ewww…" Mery began, then felt a tug on her hair. "Ow! Dad, you know he hates me!"

"No he doesn't…"

"Why can't Uncle Knives watch him?!"

"…"

"Oh… Oh!… Sorry…"

"Yeah…"

Suddenly, Kaite and Sayuri walked in. Kaite knocked on the open door. "Yo!"

Vash smiled at Kaite and Sayuri. "Hey, guys! Wanna make an easy $$10 each?"

"Sure!"

"Then watch Vish while I'm out!"

Sayuri smiled. "Okay! Besides, Vish is adorable!"

Mary frowned. "Hey, I didn't know you were gonna be paying me!"

Vash laughed. "Your loss…"

"Damn you, Sayuri!!!"

Sayuri then sticked her tongue out.

"… Kaite, hold Vish…" Mary said, giving the baby to the teenage boy.

Kaite sighed. "Here we go again…" He watched as Sayuri and Mary went at each other. He looked for Vash, but he was already gone, the money left on the coffee table. He picked up his share and stuffed it in his pocket.

Mary and Sayuri stared at the money. They stared at each other. They jumped for the money and--

~~~

"In today's news, Sayuri Moonflower and Mary Sue Stryfe once again somehow got stuck in a coffee table yesterday… The man responsible for leaving them alone in a room with no adult supervision was a man known as Great Teacher Ericks…"

****

The End!!!

~~~

And that is the end… Now, for a few final words from the cast: 

****

Vash: Thank you, everyone! Thank you for reading! *waves* I… love you all!!! *cries*

****

Meryl: I ask myself once again… I married him why? Anyway. Thank you all for reading!

****

Milly: Thanks!! We really appreciate it!!! … Do you have any pudding?…

****

Wolfwood: Whatever… Thanks for reading the story, I guess… *gets elbowed by Milly* Thank you!!! Ow…

****

Knives: Hahaha!!! Thanks for reading, suckers!!! You poor spiders have no idea what horrors await you once Vash stops watching me!! …Where's my damn Trix…

****

Kuroneko-sama: Maow…

****

Kaite: *bows* Thank you very much for reading this story… The author is very appreciative…

****

Sayuri: Hi! Thanks for reading! You're all awesome!

****

Mackenzie: I LOVE YOU, VASH!!!! Er… Thank you very much!!! Where is Great Teacher Ericks?! *searches*

****

Bobby: Thanks for reading, y'all! Yo!

****

Jin: *bows* Mew… Thanks for reading, cool you are…

****

Gary: …Hot Dog… *whispering off-screen* Oh, we're supposed to-- *normal* Thanks for reading, I guess…

****

Mary: *licks the camera* Mmmm… Thanks for reading the story…

****

Everyone: Thank you very very very very much!!! (Maow!)

****

Me: Thank you!!! I really appreciate it! This is Kouji, signing off for the last time! … Or is it? Mwahahahahahahaha…

**__**

Farewell… for now!


End file.
